I’ve got a friend who has had an ankle surgery. She’s a runner like myself. Since the surgery – which was 9-10 months ago she has not bounced back. She’s been able to run a few 5K’s slowly. She has registered for several half marathons and had to sell or donate her bib every single time. Every time I have been running with her she can not go the miles she states she originally wanted to do. Last time she said 6-8 and ended up doing 3.
I’m cool with it. It’s hard to get over surgery. Today she stated that she is signing up for a marathon that will occur in 7 months. She thinks again that she will be ready. I Believe she is insane and setting herself up for disaster.
It’s a judgement. But I have decided that I will at the least zip it- not tell her I think she is insane, and try to support her.
See this is the deal. I am currently running 30 mile weeks. I feel I might be ready for a marathon in 7 months.
Why is it so hard for me to just let her let this unfold to the bitter end that it seems to unfold into. 2 months ago
I watched a Ted Talk (Ted.com) about The Power of Vulnerability and how being real and vulnerable leads to happiness and joy. It talked about how we numb our negative emotions and this blocks our ability to be truly connected to others. It’s a sense of belonging and the mentality that “I am enough.”
This led me to a bit of a spiritual awakening and gave me the courage to open up to my family (all of whom have VERY different beliefs on different topics). I think this has helped me improve on this goal.
However, it is a life-long process, so I don’t think I would ever say I have “achieved” it, but I am on the right track and that’s what’s important. 17 months ago
How I did it: I'm not sure if one can every really check off this goal because it goes on and comes depending on the time of your life. Right now, my life is messy and I know that not to take it out on others I have to constantly keep trying. Now I'm thinking of all those times I judged someone close to me and it seems clear to me that it wasn't about me. It was even selfish of me to think so. Read how I did it… 22 months ago
How I did it: I got older. I had a kid. I saw how hard it was. I saw how we all just try our best with what we're given. I got work with people who are living with such painful pasts, living in poverty. I met as many lovely people, as many people with chips on their shoulders, as I have met in my usual middle class crowd. Read how I did it… 3 years ago
I realized now that my best friend was in a very tough situation. She really liked a guy that she probably knew was not completely stable. But when you love someone, you commit to them despite their flaws. I wasn’t very supportive and I know that but I’m terrible in these situations. Worse, I assumed that I knew what it was like and how she was feeling. She has a lot of problems but she’s a good person. I should’ve realized that from the beginning. I know we can never be best friends again but I’d like her to know that I can at least understand the position she was in. 22 months ago
“To venture causes anxiety. Not to venture is to lose oneself.” – Kierkegaard
Who am I judging at present?
1. My cousin who I’ve never managed to forgive for treating me badly as a child and overall, just never making an effort to show me she cares.
-2. My best friend for piling everything onto me during bad times.- -3. Myself: I have one life and I feel like I’m doing it all wrong.-
Who have I stopped judging?
4. My boyfriend’s best friend who is still not my favourite person in the world but I do understand that he’s had issues in his life like everyone else and yes, has different values.
5. My boyfriend’s friend whom I had to punch for screaming at a friend of mine. It’s all good now.
6. My parents for being ruthless in telling me what I need to know. It’s not their fault I make bad decisions. 22 months ago