Face the difficulties in life with a powerful positive attitude, faith, and strength.

why is it so hard to concentrate when u want to study?
like..i keep thinking that even if i try im not going to get that high…i know its not good..but its just so hard..i just feel like crying. what happens if ur a leader of a team but its just so much stress and u cant handle it cus you just seem to not be able to control whats going on in it? what happens then? also what happens when you just like someone but they dont know that you like them and you dont know if they like you back? would you give up? and just wait? or go for it?

it will be provided.
example of miracles/higher power:
I didn’t want to run. it is hard for me emotionally… I’m growing to be the woman i want to be. I prayed the night before for the strength to run. I ran more than i have in the past…
I wasn’t even tired! And i did some muscle work…

be careful what you pray for..

;-)

food. see… i try to eat food that has been accompanied by good experiences (donuts from a sunday morning i spent with my mom… starbucks from spending time with a long term b/f… coffeehouse goods from therapy)
instead of enjoying the moments i’m in, i try to re-create the old by eating the food… so i don’t have to experience the fear and rejection of the present. its all about fear, here.
instead of walking the normal route to the library (which seems like 10 miles of icky-ness) i choose a new route. granted, it was only a block different then normal, but that block allowed me to literally walk through the fear of taking a new route.
damn. growing up by yourself sucks. i’m glad i have a sponsor and faith in a higher power. and a therapist. otherwise i’d still be drinking to get rid of the fear of living.

~me

what a difficulty is to me may be different than what it is to you.
right now, i’m sorta getting involved in a relationship for the first time in 9 months. i find that i have changed immensely. my goals have changed. my standards have changed.
but the same thing keeps happening: I get with these guys that i lose attraction for. my sexual meter is kapoot. this is difficult for me because first of all, i thought i was straight – then gay – then bi… but i’m just not revved up for this guy.
maybe his “moves” are all wrong. maybe i’m just trying to protect myself. but what do I do? am i just an addict that likes the chase but hates the prize?
i feel like i’m in a sex and the city scene where carrie is wondering if she’ll ever settle down because the men she meets don’t provide enough excitement.
but i guess that’s the point: men aren’t for excitement. they’re for companionship and love. if a little romance gets sprinkled on then even better.
hmmph. i love having moments where i realize my problems!!!!

=)

hope this helps someone else

and it is something I will have to keep in mind whenever I face new difficulties in my life. But I did it and its a good attitude to have no matter what happens…

how do you face death with a powerful positive attitude, faith, and strength?
not my death, but the death of a friend.
positive attitude: he was an amazing person while he was alive. faith: everything happens for a reason
strength: my life doesn’t have to end because his did. i can go on.

i’ve never dealt with death. i’ve never wanted to. i’ve had a lot of it in my life, but never dealt with it. i don’t know what’s normal. i don’t know what i’m “supposed” to be doing. but i know it hurts. and it feels so difficult to do anything but stare into the distance.
he inspired me while he was alive, and he allowed me to grow. but he was human; he had faults. but he lived his life like it was his last day… every day. maybe that’s what i’m supposed to learn. seize the day. be adventurous.

“When I Get Where I’m Going”
(brad paisley/dolly parton)

When I get where I’m going
On the far side of the sky
The first thing that I’m gonna do
Is spread my wings and fly

I’m gonna land beside a lion
And run my fingers through his mane
Or I might find out what it’s like
To ride a drop of rain

[Chorus]
Yeah when I get where I’m going
There’ll be only happy tears
I will shed the sins and struggles
I have carried all these years
And I’ll leave my heart wide open
I will love and have no fear
Yeah when I get where I’m going
Don’t cry for me down here

I’m gonna walk with my grand daddy
And he’ll match me step for step
And I’ll tell him how I missed him
Every minute since he left
Then I’ll hug his neck

[Repeat chorus]

So much pain and so much darkness
In this world we stumble through
All these questions I can’t answer
So much work to do

But when I get where I’m going
And I see my maker’s face
I’ll stand forever in the light
Of his amazing grace
Yeah when I get where I’m going
There’ll be only happy tears
Hallelujah
I will love and have no fear
When I get where I’m going
Yeah when I get where I’m going”

i’ve realized one thing by reading all these comments. I’m not alone. I can smile for the fist time and really mean it. :)

help me focus on positive things. Today I walked until my right foot bled, and I still feel so very sad.

for a while.

but I can’t, not yet. I don’t have words to describe the feelings, maybe tomorrow when I’m not so overwhelmed.