start a new life

I got my number changed and got rid of all the numbers of old friends. Im going to look at a car today.

Well, im 19 years old, i have realized i need to change my life before its too late. I have been diagnosed with bi-polar but refused to take the medications. This caused things to become worse. I have never really loved anyone or anything simply because i dont love myself. I loved one person once but they treated me like shit just like everyone else. I still love them, and i think i still love them becuase ive never felt that feeling before. I dont even feel that way about family.
I have come to figure out that the reason i get myself into things and get close to bad people is because its what i wanted. i didnt think i could do better. I was abused when i was a child by my uncle who would beat me. I have had a lot of issues. I tried moving out of my house recently but i realized it isnt what i want…im searching for something. I’m searching for myself.
So, i am creating a list of things that will totally change my life. Im keeping track of it on here and i want the list completed in a month and a half. I can do it because i have people willing to help me. so, heres the list.
*Change my Number
*Lose contact with everyone in my past
*Get a new car
*Throw everything away in my room and get everything new
*New clothes
*Get on Medications
*Take a trip
*Switch colleges
*Start saving money/open a bank account

If more gets added, it’ll get added. For now, this is a good start.

didnt drink any thing last night .. but am having one drink right now .. it will be only this for sure ..

hopefully will be able to keep it like this or at least try to have a drink once in 2 days ..

lets c tomorrow

i work for a hotel and i have access to the bar. because of this i have started at least drinking one glass a day. i will stop that

I’ve already started about a month ago! When I will have to start a new one again I will return to this goal! ;)

The majority of my twitter account, which used to have really emo entries in it, is really happy.

Life moves on. I think I can safely close this entry.

I started to work a bit for myself, after I found some PTC sites. I made my own site for this: http://onlinepenzmag.extra.hu
I have already 30 dollars, which is not pretty much, but it’s just the start. I really belive in this, and I really WANT to do this right and I’m serious. Not to mention that it is the only way to get money (and build my own life) at the moment, since there are a lot of economical problems in my region and in my country, Hungary. I’m well-qualified, young, clever, I can use foreign languages, but no one wants to employ me, I don’t know why.

Anyway, I took my first step, and I belive and hope that I can make it!

A big step in this 4 me would be to decide who i want in my life,what i need in my life and what i want in my life

Let me start a new life. Redo what was great, fix what were mistakes, create what has always been awaiting, yet I have yet reached it.
Let me start a new life. Love who I am with flaws and all. Walk tall with no regard to the negativity at all. Let me start a new life. Let me have this second chance.
I would choose certain factors to remain the same.. such as my husband, my sons, and my dreams. But this time, I want to follow through with all that I have pushed to the side. I want to waddle in the sea and whisper to the wind. I want to escape the hustle and bustle, all the drama that shouldn’t have been.
Let me start a new life. Let me do it all again.
Just as myself, but changing what shouldn’t have been.

So, as a part of this whole “start a new life” goal I’ve begun cleaning things out of my apartment. Getting rid of little knick knacks, clothes I don’t wear anymore and getting this weird sense of accomplishment. After school lets out, I’m organizing everything into plastic bins and labeling them with my shiny, new label maker.