Tell my dad how I really feel

My dad and my mom didn’t have a terrible break up at first i was only three and they broke up and the plan was he’d stay in edmonton but he moved to calgary without telling us he came back when i was six for year. Then he left again to newbrunswick he didn’t talk or see me for two years then when i went to his house when i was eleven he had a new fucking family. Every year since i was eight he tgells my grandma he will take me for springbreak but he never has. and the finally when i was 12 i was clinicly depresssed because of him and my moms old boyfriend when he was gone. My moms old boyfriend was clinicly depressed too. he would hit her and i had to watch i was only 6 when that happend. and because my dad wouldn’t pay child support my mom couldnt afford daycare so i had to go to my aunts where her boyfruend did coke and meth in front of me. and he would severely hurt her. and for a long time i blamed thsi on my dad leaving . but anyways now me and my dad are even worse becuase how can i lvoe someone who left me and refuses to come see me even when im getting surgery…

My dad never grew up. He’s been a relatively mature fifteen year-old his whole life. When I was fifteen i realized I was exactly like he is, and now I’m essentially his elder.
I don’t know what happened, I guess my grandparents neglected him, but he is now less emotionally developed than I am, which makes for a really twisted father/son relationship.
Of course, this is nothing compared to what everyone else has said, but it fucking sucks, and it’s ruined everything in my life so far.
I always end up ruining my friendships, I can’t pay attention in school, and when I’m living “under his roof” my creativity is seriously diminished. I live my whole life angry.
I try to be a nonviolent person, and I would never hurt a woman in my right mind, but I have so much pent up rage that I really came close to smacking around my last girl friend, and I pushed her around alot for a while. (she was a bitch, but that’s not really the point.)
The real issue is that any time I start enjoying anything in life I go home and see this fucking childish asshole stomping around. He’s passive aggressive, if he had grown up in the ‘00s he would have been a fucking emo kid.
I want to punch him in the fucking gut and then kick his ass when the wind is knocked out of him.
I try to tell my mom about it but she just starts to cry every time, so I’ve given up.

::EDIT::
Right now he’s “doing the dishes,” but really he’s just slamming shit around because he’s pissed at me for asking to use his computer a little more. “I’m done, dad, it’s all yours.”
“thanks.”
“you think maybe I could get on again for a couple minutes in like half an hour?”
...
(he sighs deeply, like hearing this is just too painful)
“i guess so, it’s just, it’s really hard for me…” he says.
infantile.

I…can’t even begin to start about my relationship with my father. Should I start when he and my mom started fighting? Oh wait, I don’t know when that was. Should I start when he forced our entire family to deal with his mother in our home for the last five years? Oh wait, I’m supposed to love my grandmother. Should I start when he trashed my brother’s belongings when my brother backtalked him? Or when he made derogatory comments about women? Or how he treats his family like shit but his mother like the savior of all of the world?

I guess I would start by just saying what happened today, and what led up to it. Our family of four just got back from our spring break vacation; the last one before I go off to college. it was supposed to be one of those happy vacations; laughs, smiles, and a lot of family bonding. Of course, that never happens with my family, so I guess I wasn’t too disappointed. What I was angry about, though, was how he had acted like such a whiny little brat while we were on vacation and refused to take responsibility for any of his actions. (oh wait, he does that all the time.) I guess it really kicked in for me when my mom, brother and I were soaked to the bone because of being splashed with salt water, and wanted to go back to the hotel to take a shower. HE was only slightly wet, as he was in the back of the canoe. His pants were wet, and his shirt lightly sprayed, but that was it. Instead of considering how the three of us were feeling, he told us to suck it up and just go on with the day. But we overruled him and went back to the hotel anyway. He yelled at us about it for the rest of the day. We ignored his rantings as just another episode of his.

We got home today. For some reason, he goes and starts yelling at my brother. It was either about his grades, or him leaving his lacrosse sticks lying around the house. My brother, being one of those budding teenage males, decided to talk back. Like always. So my father’s voice gets louder, and my brother’s voice goes up as well. Soon they’re having an all out shouting match. I was lazily listeninig with one ear when I heard what pissed me off more than anything else: my father decided that to teach my brother a lesson, he was going to throw away my brother’s lacrosse sticks. Did I mention my brother had paid 400 dollars for it? My brother gets mad and calls him a dick. And my dad throws a hissy fit…and takes the lacrosse sticks. I don’t know what he did with it. My brother, who is rarely emotional enough to cry, started to bawl. For a fourteen year old, this is….pretty messed up. He then threatened to toss my dad’s laptop (with all of his work) out the window. “To show him how it feels.” I would tell him no, except that my father had also trashed my brother’s ipod last him he got angry; it was a birthday present from my parents, and my father took it, threw it to the ground, and threw away the shattered pieces. So this time, I was personally thinking “serves you right”. My father was acting completely ridiculous by this point, and storms out of the house. My brother is bawling, and I had had enough of it. Five years of solving my parents’ problems; five years of trying to keep my family together, five years of more crap than i should ever have to deal with. So…I called him on his cell phone. I asked him how much he valued his computer (he said that if my brother wanted to trash it, then fine with him) I asked him how much he valued his clothing (he said that if my brother wanted to trash that, fine with him) then I asked him how much he valued his family relationships. He said that if my brother didn’t care, neither did he. I then told him that he acted terribly with the whole lacrosse stick issue; it was my brother’s stick, and he had no right to throw it away. And when I say throw away, I mean REALLy throw away, not just “i’ll give it back when you learn your lesson.” My brother’s IPOD was definitely not just “taken away”. It was deliberately and forcefully broken and then thrown away. i told him he should act better, and be a better example for my brother. He of course, retorts with some stupid excuse similar to “well he started it”. Yeah….how old are you again? Then, he pulls an ultimate pathetic move and hangs up on me. I then call him back and leave a message….which was incredibly long and winded but essentially ended up with “don’t ruin your family relationships like your father did with you; and if you delete this message and don’t think about what’s going on and be able to face what’s going on, you are a coward.” Of course, it was quite a bit angrier and probably a lot more repeated.

He comes storming home.
By now…I am sick and fed up with his attitude. He’s been acting like a teenager for the last five years….and progressively worse. I know he has a bad family history, but the ironic part is when he told my mother (when they were dating) that he would never be like his father. Well, he is sure acting like him now.

So i pull the low blow. I pull out his relationship with his father. Here’s the thing: my father can’t talk to my grandpa himmself. He needs to ask his little brother for my grandpa’s phone number. My grandpa also uses disposable cell phones…so my dad can’t call him more than once. My dad’s family was a mess, to put it in a nutshell. It ended up with a nearly nonexistant relationship with his father and an overly close one with his mother. Anyway. I asked him why he couldn’t contact his father. Why he had to go through his brother to talk to him. And if he wanted my brother and I to need to go through the same thing….when he said himself that he didnt’ want to be like his dad.

Low blow, I know. I could tell that he wanted to slap me. or hurt me. But if he did I’d call the cops. And he knows it, too. But what I was doing here was not trying to hurt him as much as I could (though I think I probably did that, too). I was trying to make him see, really, REALLY see, that what he was doing was ruining his relationships with every member of his nuclear family. The only good relationship he has is with his mother….and i don’t care how healthy she is but she is definitely not going to outlive the younger generation.

I wanted a good father/daughter relationship.
I wanted my family to be happy.
I had tried everything. Reasoning with him gently, being truthfully blunt with him, and just outright yelling at him. but it wasn’t until today that I brought up the tender subject of his father.
But I felt like he needed the wakeup call.

He told me he wasn’t going to pay for my college tuition anymore.
I told him I’d be willing to go to a community college if he only learns that he needs to change in order to save his relationship with his family.

I then changed that to I’d be willing to go to a community college just so he’d regret the mistakes he made with his family.

I am so angry….
And so very very sad.
but he needed to hear it.
And hopefully it’ll actually sink in this time.

I doubt it.
But I still hope.

When I was six months old my dad left my mom and his two kids. I never met him until I was thirteen (around christmas to be exact). Then in march of 2005 I had tried to live with him it didn’t work. We had an arguement about why he never came to see his kids. He had blamed it on my mom which is not true and sence I have tried to talk to him but he will not talk to me. I left him messages and eveything I could think of but nothing has happened. I think in the summmer of 2005 my brother moved in with him and I have talked to him and he said the my dad had told him that he will not forgive me til I forgive myself. I think I have nothing to forgive myself for but now that I really think about it I just want him to be in my life. I just want to know that he is there for me but it is hard to make up for what is lost when there wasnt really a begining…

I finally sent the letter to my dad. The decision to send it came after he called my mom whining about how he has a hole in his heart becuase he hasn’t talked to me. So when he finally does get to talk to me, he doesn’t say a thing. So I had to send it and let him know about himself. I feel a small releif.

Some of you all have so much more trouble with your dads than I do. Probably because you’re still in the unfortunate situation of living with or near them. I almost feel guilty for joining this group because my problems pale in comparison to yours. Nevertheless, my aim is true. I want to tell my dad how I really feel.

He was a Admiral in the navy. The house was run his way, and we never talked back. I’m 23 now, and I still don’t talk back. In fact, I don’t really talk at all to him. Long story short, he cheated on my mom for YEARS, and both of my parents hid it until way after he moved out to go be with his girlfriend. My sister (who has guts) told him off the night she found out, although their relationship isn’t any better than his and mine. I just sort of swallowed it. I think about it a lot, and details keep coming out about how deceitful he was and the stupid things he did to hurt my mom. She didn’t deserve it. I hate him for that. But he just pretends that everything is ok. I hate him for that, too.

About 2 and a half years ago, I forgave him. Called him up, apologized for brushing him off, and forgave him. Or thought I had, at least. I find myself still getting angry. I didn’t know all the details back then, and the more I think about it, the more I want nothing to do with him. I don’t miss him; he was never in my life anyway. That’s a horrible thing to say, but it’s the truth.

Maybe once I can tell him how I really feel about what he did, I’ll be able to forgive him truthfully. I don’t know when I’ll find the heart/guts to do this, but I hope soon.

Sorry about the lengthy rant. I’m here to support you all in your fatherly endeavors. Good luck.

...and while I got to speak to his wife, I didn’t hear from him until yesterday.

We don’t speak much. In fact, I think this was the first call since my last entry but I love that dude. This’ll be hard but it’ll be done.

I have not talked to my dad since April, when I called to tell him that my grandfather had died. He abruptly cut me off because he had another call, yet he did not forget to tell me that it was my sister’s birthday and to call her. He told my mom(it was her dad) that he could not make it to the funeral becauase he had to perform. Now he performs all the time and does not make enough to pay my grandmother for living in and tearing up her home, so I am sure one damn night would not have killed you to be there for your ex-wife, the mother of your child, and your first born child that just lost someone. But hell no, his selfish ass could not give that up. So I have not spoken with him since then. He called once last month and the message on my machine said “Your dad called, call me back.” At this point in our non-relationship, I feel that if I talk to him it is not going to be pretty. Then his damn feelings are going to be hurt, because the truth hurts. so I will just not bother myself with him for a while.

...but I don’t think marring my “Mother’s Day” call with this heavy issue would have been appropriate. Doing it over the phone isn’t appropriate at all, really.

He’s got “Baby # Who Really Knows” coming next month and I don’t want to confund the man but I do need to broach the topic sometime this summer. I think I’m ready to do this now.

for months until my Grandmother forced him. (You don’t say no to Nana :D) now we get along fine and I’ve forgiven him for what he did to me growing up. It just took him some time to get over his daughter telling him he was wrong.