Be a good sister

My closest sister is in trouble.

Well, she’s been in trouble for 3 years but now she can’t deny it any longer. And it isn’t so much HER as it is her “husband.” I use the quotations there because he is a lousy husband and it turns out their marriage probably isn’t legal.

Trying to keep a long story short, she is severely insecure and won’t even go to the grocery store alone let alone be a single, independent adult in the world. He is 5 years older than her, in this country illegally and useless. He can’t (won’t) work and just sits at home all day playing video games and drinking beer. A few times a month he’d work with my grand-parent’s landscapers around town. 6 weeks ago he took the car though he isn’t suppose to drive and instead of just using it for “work” like he said, he went got drunk, drove and was pulled over. I mean, in that TINY town that has 4 bureaus of patrol at all times (Tribal, BHPD, BHSO, LVPD) he had to have been asking for this.

So he was arrested and they lost the car because my sister didn’t have the money to even think about getting it out after the 30-day hold. He was transferred all over AZ and as soon as he was released on the DUI charges, Immigration took him right into custody. He’s going to be deported. Maybe for 3 months or maybe for 10 years depending on how mickey-rigged the system decides to swing this time. At this point it seems his marriage to a citizen doesn’t matter and I don’t quite understand why not but neither does my sister or my grandma who has been trying to be as supportive as possible while also, like the rest of us, hoping they just take him away tomorrow.

My sister’s emotions have certainly evolved throughout this ordeal; from so deeply lonely and scared that she wouldn’t hardly move to extremely pissed and betrayed. It wasn’t until we spoke this past Sunday however that she actually sounded like she is entertaining the idea of leaving him. I suggested that she just do it right NOW. Just stop talking to him (he hardly calls her anyway though; just to ask for money to be put on his books) and to stop taking calls from his deranged mother and just be done with it. Forget divorce proceedings, he used a fake ID anyway and if for some reason in the future marriage licenses are so well tracked and cross referenced that it comes up, “he was illegal, arrested and deported” sounds pretty valid to me.

The thing is, she’s NEVER been alone. Ever. But what I spent 3 hours on the phone trying to convince her of is the fact that the she HAS been alone. Maybe he was physically in the next room but he wasn’t there for her, didn’t contribute anything to their life or potential future and is a total asshole. He just is. He’s rude, sarcastic, foul-mouthed at VERY inappropriate times. He’s 28 going on 15, the way he acts. 15 may even be giving him too much credit. Okay… I’m bashing him now just to do it because it feels so good! But the point is, he hasn’t been anything but a sucking leech on her and she deserves better but she just does not think so. She pretty much hates herself. In fact, ever since we were kids, she’s been trying to be me. And when that failed, she turned to drugs. She was strong enough to get sober but then it wasn’t long before her “husband” showed up.

So… since this entry is now SUPER long (I actually just paused for a moment and thought- why am I pouring my heart out here? And I know why: ordinarily, this is the sort of thing I’d discuss with Kaz =( )

Anyway, I offered to move there. To that small town to be her roommate and show her that she is awesome on her own and that there are things I’ve always admired about her and that she CAN and WILL be much better off without that douche-bag. She’s so fed up with herself; she’s super overweight, doesn’t consume ANY water and can’t even work a job where standing is required the entire time.

My mind has totally wandered now and I’m now SERIOUSLY considering the move. More to come.

Disregard this stream of consciousness rambling.

Been slacking the last 2 weeks… talked to Curtis a bit. I extended encouragement to my sister who was moving into a new place last week. I did a survey on myspace just for my sister Britt, since she mentioned she doesn’t know a lot about me. Tomorrow, my plan will be to communicate one way or another with all of my siblings. Okay, maybe not Brazdin. =(

Stacy: Have been talking to her weekly for some time now. She’s trying really hard to find peace in her crappy job and living situation and marriage… I think our talks really help. I try to inconspicuously remind her of her qualities and talents because she seems to just feel so bad, all the time, physically and emotionally. It breaks my heart and, ultimately, I’d like to step up the communication. Maybe send her funny things online once a week. She’s into quotes like I am so putting together some selected quotes for her would be a good idea I bet. And I’m going to try to call twice a week.

Curtis: Talked on the phone with him for the first time in… it’s been a super long time. Not only did I get caught up on whats going on in his life and with his kids (yikes!) but we talked about some of our hobbies and likes & dislikes. We didn’t live together a lot of the time growing up so I was pretty clueless. We don’t have a lot in common but we still talked easily and it was a nice change from having to lecture him like a few years ago. And we’ve been texting off and on since. I’d like to try to initiate more texts with him and maybe request some pictures of his cute little boys. =)

Chris: Haven’t talked to him lately. Don’t even know if he has a phone… We seem to have these lulls though when he’s in transition, which he is, again. And when he has a phone we’ll continue texting, per usual. My goal here will be to call him and actually talk to him.

Britt: Called her on father’s day. We didn’t talk long because he crazy mother came in and started raising hell about something. We stay in touch via myspace though. I always make it a point to comment her photos and send messages. And tell her I love her! Maybe I should put together some quotes for her too… she’s really enjoy that! She’ll be a senior in HS this fall… I can hardly believe it. And yet, I have waited for this time for so long. I’m glad we’ve been able establish a relationship before her moving out (my prediction with both of my youngest sisters was that I’d have to wait until they were away from my dad and their mom).
A long term goal for B is to absolutely be at her graduation next year!!

Chy: This is the hardest yet. She’ll be 16 this fall and she has no idea that I love her in a very special way. She’s a bit standoffish and seems to be close to her mom so I imagine she hasn’t ever heard nice things about me. My approach is slow but steady with Chyanna. She already has 2 big sisters and probably doesn’t see the need for another, especially one far away. I hope as she gets older and sees that I’m not going anywhere she’ll begin to let me in. My goal is to send her a message everyweek on myspace and get her cell number!

Brazdin: I really want to call and talk to him on the phone. I hear he’s talking much better now… I miss that little guy SO much!!!

And for being a good daughter as well…

Mom: Called her 3 weeks in a row as well as on mother’s day (1st time ever!) and she never answered nor called me back. I heard through the grapevine that she was worried about me because I was calling and that pissed me off… why not call me then if you’re so worried? I tried her again and finally talked to her for all of about… 10 minutes?? She was suppose to call me the next day. The next weekend of so I called and she was busy and said she’d call back… she did a few days later but I’ve yet to call her back now. Just don’t see why it should be such hard work to try to talk to my own mother who, frankly, I give precisely 2 shits about.

Grandma: Been talking to her weekly. Her positive attitude is what keeps me going! She has so much faith in me that it drives me to want to make her proud. I think weekly phone calls work best for her but I would like to email her some pictures and send her some Portland postcards.

Grandpa: Talked to him on father’s day. He’s not a big phone guy and it sucks because I LOVE talking to my grandma. Although we see things differently on a lot of issues, our core values are very much the same. Talking to him for a good 30-40 minutes was a treat like no other! I appreciate the things he teaches me and the way we can talk about BIG things. My grandpa is awesome and I need to really find a way to stay connected to him because his health is not fantastic and I fear the day he leaves me for good.

I was tired from travel and ill today, but I helped my sister with her Psychology revision, condensed notes, tests etc. I think it helped, going to look over it again tomorrow :D

Not being bossy
Not getting jealous
Being Supportive
Listening
Thinking first and Then Reacting
Keeping up with facebook, myspace, and twitter

I have been messaging my sisters a lot on myspace over the past couple of weeks. I also used myspace to send my brother a message about how proud I am of his decision to join the Army. I don’t have a number for him so I dropped him mine and told him to call me if he wants. I also told him he’d inspired me to inquire about the Navy, which he did. =)

Giving advice without being bossy
Making sure she’s ok
Making her feel good
Being available

Warning!! I didn’t realize when I started this entry just how long it would wind up being or how much it would make me cry! I won’t be offended if you skip it!!

Wow, I am SO glad I came across this goal this morning because I have been thinking about this A LOT lately.

I am the oldest of 9. I have 4 sisters and 4 brothers! Now, we had a pretty rough childhood. I often feel like I was lucky because I was the oldest so I could stand up for myself more and I could seek help unlike them who were just young and scared. Eventually, we were all split up between the family and that’s where I’ve gone wrong. When we were younger, I did everything in my power to protect them. But, once the nightmare was over, I just wanted to move on. I didn’t want to dwell, I thought. But, at 12, I didn’t realize that I was just sweeping everything, including my family, under the rug.

My sister, S, and I continued to live together and were raised by our grandparents and while we fought a lot because she would steal my stuff, she has always been my bestest best friend. Today, we have a strong bond though she now lives in Mississippi. T and I lost touch completely a few years ago. I would call and write and invite her to things since she didn’t live very far away with her dad but I think she, like me, just kind of wanted to move on. B&C are my youngest sisters and they are now 14 and 16. They live in Phoenix with my dad and B and I really started to get close last year. We have a lot in common and she let me in completely. I did her hair and make-up for Prom and we went to the science center to see the Titanic exhibit and we text. C is 14 and it’s been 12 years since the shit hit the fan so she doesn’t remember much (anything?). She hasn’t been quick to let me in. She keeps her distance from me but is polite enough. What she doesn’t know is that I raised her for the first 2 years of her life. When she was a newborn my step-monster got really upset with her crying one night and shook her. I saw it and it scared me to death. From that night on, the baby slept in bed with me. I would get up to feed her, rock her, change her. The day the police came and they told me she would have to go elsewhere because she was so young… oh my gosh. I can’t believe I’m just pouring this all out there…how unexpected. Anyway, the moment they took her out of my arms, I just lost it emotionally.

My dad chose the step-bitch over all of us and so I have chose not to include him in my life but I have always thought of my little sisters and have been waiting years for them to be old enough for me to talk to and build relationships with. Chy has heard a lot of bad things about me over the years, I’m sure. And she’s a lot like her mother so I’m sure she believes it all. But I have faith that someday I will be able to sit her down and tell her just how much she has always meant to me. I hope and I wait…

My brothers… hahaha. Where do I start? D is the step-monster’s son and I have seen him a bit over the last few years. He’s married and has a daughter now. Curt is… well… he’s stubborn and an instigator. He’s irrsponsible and doesn’t care what anyone thinks. He has two sons now. He also lives in Phoenix and from what I understand is set to join the Army which I think will be a great move for him and his family. Chris is my buddy. He’s almost 19 and is a bit of a troublemaker but he’s smart and family-oriented. 2 Thanksgivings ago we had quite the heart to heart and we’ve been closer, texting and chatting on the phone, ever since. C&C are great guys but they really, really had a rough start and it shows. But, it’s no excuse! And I try to motivate them. Curtis and I haven’t talked much since his second son arrived because he doesn’t like to hear what I have to say. =(

My youngest brother, B, is my heart & soul. He just turned 5 and he is the most adorable kid ever! He’s so smart and loving. When I found out my mother was pregnant, I was livid. But all it took was one look into his big blue eyes and he stole my heart. He is the ONLY reason I still talk to my mother. I took him to the ocean for his first time. I have tried to instill a love of reading in him. Kasra has been around his whole life and B totally loves him. 4 months ago when I got a random call that my mom and them were up and moving to Mississippi, K and I dropped everything and drove hundreds of miles to go see them off. And I only went for B. We took a picture that night (before my phone died, of course…) and it’s been the backround on my phone since them. I love him and I worry about him and I hate hate hate being so far from him. This week, he was in the hospital with pneumonia and I practically couldn’t sleep thinking about the little guy in that cold, scary hospital hooked up to oxygen and an IV. All I wanted was to be able to curl up with him. He’s doing much better now though and they released him after a few days. Ugh… it almost hurts to love him so much.

So…that’s the story of my siblings. I love them all so much but I don’t show it well enough. I need to keep in better touch with Britt and I need to try harder with Chy. I should try to reach out to Curt before he goes to Boot Camp and tell him how proud I am of his decision. I should call Brazdin more since he’s getting old enough to talk on the phone. Maybe I’ll color a picture for him and send it to him!

All and all, I just want to be more involved in their lives. I know they have always looked to me with some distain, like she’s the lucky one or the spoiled one or the smart one or whatever and I want to start knocking that wall down. These people share my blood and that is a strong bond, no matter what.

any idea’s how? tell me please!

My sisters are my world. Whenever I am about to do something stupid I remember how much they look up to me and I think twice.