Find/develop ways to make my huge mortgage payments less onerous and scary, instead, meet these obligations responsibly, with ease, calm, surety... and a plan

is just to work more. Not procrastinate, generate more assignments.

Today I proved to myself just how easy it is to knock stuff out once I really focus and stop dreading and postponing and start doing. Just that simple.

Hmm, “not procrastinate.” I’m sure that doesn’t sound at all familiar to any one out there.

Boyfriend is loaning me the $3500 for November first payment, however. Interest-free, though since he’s withdrawing it from his IRA it is taxable so I have to pay $350 for the taxes. Still, it relieves a huge amouynt of stress, knowing that I will meet this obligation.

a whopping $9K twice a year.

I did manage to send off another $1250 last week and today got a very nice email from the attorney handling the second mortgage thanking me. Really, we all want this to work out. It’s just a lot of money and some unforeseeen circumstances. BUT, that means I “only” owe $3500 between now and November 1. I am pretty sure that if I hustle and stay away from optional expenses whenever possible I can make this. Then, November 1st, another $9K is due, but so far they are kind with me about letting me pay it in pieces as long as I get it wrapped up before the next 6 month period begins.

It’s still scary, but completing that Big Honkin’ Project I bitched and moaned about so long and hard (and OF COURSE legitimately) has set free a lot of time energy and released a great big chunk of time debt as well as possibilities for future income down the road,

I do love the place and want so much to hold on to it.

There are many reasons why I made this huge commitment, and why I thought, with hard work, I could meet it – that it would be hard but at least possible. Now I just don’t know.

I realize without a few specifics this won’t be clear, but I will in time explore. Got to do so.

And got to remember, always, that I am an incredibly resourceful person. I’ve been down many times but not out; broke many times but never poor – rich in experience, creativity, friends, love…

None of those help me meet this ungodly mortgage, though.

Time to do what I’m always advising others to do: self-soothe.

Only by calming down can I POSSIBLY do what needs doing in the “find/develop ways” line. Anxiety is just like kicking the water and trying to fish at the same time – for heaven’s sake, you’re scaring the fish away.

Deep breath., Release. Say goodnight. Sleep well, ff.

It is late and I’m tired but I’m looking forward to exploring this here, and coming up with some outside-the-box thinking…