weigh 130 pounds

I’ve been struggling with my weight since Freshman year of college. Right now I’m around 175 and my ultimate goal is 120. I’m only 5’2 so 120 would be healthy. I’m definitely not living very healthily right now and it upsets me.

I’ve gained weight. Every morning, I get on the Balance Board, and it tells I’m fatter than the day before. Although I’ve given up soda, I think I’ve been replacing the calories with things like cake. And even though most junk food has been tasting really gross to me lately, I still load up on fatty cheeses and calorie-rich bagels and things. And the only difference between soda and many other drinks is simply the bubbles.

I’ve also stopped exercising. I’m not sure why. I think I’m self-destructive. I’ve got to figure out why, and I’ve got to stop. I need to exercise. I need to eat well. I need to take care of myself.

Not good, but not as frightening as previously.

Very unacceptable. I’ve been SO lazy and pigging lately. I want to start running on Monday and doing my workout dvds tomorrow. I feel so freaking fat and disgusting and I’m sick of it. All of my shorts and capris are too tight and uncomfortable. I want to be skinny and get my confidence back!

I’m on the right side of 150 now.

About 3 1/2 years ago I reached my lowest ever adult weight, 122. Since then I’ve moved twice, started 2 new jobs, made 2 new sets of friends, had 7 semi-serious relationships, learned to run 2 miles without stopping, started lifting weights, and tapered off anti-depressants after 7 years. My weight went up and down and up and down. In early March I weighed 131 pounds, and in early May I weighed almost 144.

But now after 3 weeks of tracking my calories and following the directions of spark people, I weigh 138. I weigh more than usual, and yet I feel much more positive and in control because I identified why I gained weight and have already succeeded in losing more than 5 pounds. I know that weight loss will get harder as I lose more, but I’m excited for it. Spark people suggested mid-September as a good goal for weighing 125, which is close to my ideal weight, and all I have to do is burn 200 calories a day and keep tracking my calories. So far I’ve done that and it’s worked and I can do that in the future.

=/

146 this morning
just 16 more pounds to lose!
I can do this in 2 months time :)

I never really lost weight the healthy way, so I stopped eating how I was and gained about 7 pounds. :( I weigh somewhere between 135-137 now and I feel so fat. That isn’t a high number but when it’s all fat and no muscle, it is. I just want to be down to 130, keep it there, and be able to lose more weight and keep it there. I don’t ever want to see the scale keep climbing in numbers rather than dropping. :(