Live a life that leaves me fulfilled

Thinking back to what things were like a year ago, I keep thinking about Napoleon Dynamite. I loved that movie and related so well to his great big sighs of despair as if he were just deflating everything in him to keep himself from exploding. All the frustration and the disappointment at life just looking for a way to escape. I used to sigh like that as well. Had a ridiculous job working too many hours and getting managed by someone with ADD bouncing me from one half finished project to the next in a mad mad rush to try and beat imaginary deadlines that were of no real importance.

I traded all that in at the expense of a steady paycheque and I have never been happier. Now I have to basically eat what I kill in regards to getting paid but I have consistently managed to put deals together and find work. In fact my income for the year has basically doubled what I used to pull in from a constant 6 day a week 11 hour grind.

I hadn’t noticed how much I used to sigh until Napoleon Dynamite was on a few weeks ago. Then it dawned on me that I don’t do that anymore because I am so much happier doing what I do now.

Work doesn’t have to be all consuming. I have been hard at it for the past two weeks getting a collection of written reports prepared. Another week of work to go but today finds me with some unanticipated downtime. I have one thing to do today and the whole day to do it. Write one more report and this is an easy one as it is basically a rewrite of one that I have already done.

So that means I may find myself with spare time during the course of the day. I’ve done well. Handled a number of things so why not take it easy, read a book and not get all caught up in the need to be so consumed. I really enjoyed Tony Robbin’s audio program Time of Your Life. It really helped me define things better. Sometimes you need to pay attention to things that aren’t urgent yet still important. Things like leisure and putting your mind back together so it can focus and take on the urgent things on your own terms.

Living downtown can be a pain. Noise, traffic, the lack of space and worst of all the crime. Crack is tearing our neighborhood apart and the dealers are keeping prices down around the $3.00 a rock level to keep crank out of their territories. Breakins and shifty people in your backyard are getting to be the norm.

I’m still not ready to give up on it yet. Move out to some little sub-division and give up on all the fun and the colour and spend my days driving from one big box store to another.

Walking dog this morning I wasn’t paying much attention until I heard her yelp out with a startled cry. She was face to face with a 5 inch blue crab that had escaped from the Ha Long fish market and was making a dash for freedom onto the sidewalk. I called the fishmonger and he came in washed the crab off and put him back into his tank to await a fate that no doubt involved taking a bath in a ginger soy glaze later this evening.

You just can’t get an experience like that in the ‘burbs.

This is unfamiliar territory. Coming off of 4 years of a real pressure cooker job free time is something I haven’t had a lot of. Weekends blurred by with time wasted in front of the television too tired to do much except flip between channels overdosing on mindless news and sitcoms. Work was even worse, heading into the office so early in the morning, two hours ahead of my colleagues and always finding something that appeared to be so utterly urgent yet so unimportant. It doesn’t have to be like that anymore. I can choose to apply myself to things that aren’t so urgent yet important to me. Getting a better handle on my schedule and understanding what I really have to get done (and why) keeps me from getting as overloaded as I used to when I felt like I was just always trying to bang off ticks on a checklist of things to do.

With a new job and a much more tightly focused direction I do have more time. More time to read and time to take care of myself physically. I can indulge in things like making good food and cooking for enjoyment. I have time with my little one to watch her go from a wiggler to a crawler and now someone who can stand up all by herself.

Dinners with friends, quiet time to think in the backyard over a smoke and a coffee and gradually the mental noise of my last job is fading away. Waking up in the morning there is more of me to go around instead of having first thoughts of duty, obligation and work to do on behalf of others. It reminds me of when I was bartending so many years ago. I kept the best parts of myself and had such a clearly defined break between work and life. It’s not about living for weekends and soldiering on throughout the week. It’s about doing what you like to do when you want to do it and not letting things slide.

A great weekend. Kept the tv off and indulged in great food and drink. Read the paper, spent time playing with my little one and got back to the world of putting thoughts to text.

Time to put it into practice. A great week by all accounts. Booked billable hours, landed a huge deal, built your network and handled your life in a way that allows you to feel like your in control. Now it is time to live it. Put your computer away, pack up your papers and go spend some time with your family.

Take Isobel for a walk with the dog and do something that makes you feel good.

What are weekends for? So much time spent sitting around not getting much done.

I can spend time with my little one taking her for walks and playing with her not worrying that I’m supposed to be billing hours.

I can read the newspaper and keep the tv off. Listen to music and spend time with my wife instead of living in a world of news (none of it good) and distraction.

I can read more books and make progress on finishing the Iliad.

Generally weekends are for resting, taking time away from the 5 day a week regimen that I keep at the gym but why not exercise with walks and whatever you can do around the house?