Overcome my OCD

This is a daily battle. I have moments when I cannot specifically remember the last ritual I completed. That is usually brought on because I find myself in the middle of a ritual. I try to keep my stress under control. When I am overwhelmed, it takes over. I am taking it one day at a time. I have improved. I can fight it better than I used to. I am positive that it is tied to stress management.

it’s hard getting over OCD.

i doubt i’ll manage to cure myself completely, but i’m taking steps towards it. and at least i can change my mind a little about it.

i’ll be seeing a new therapist sometime soon (thank you, NHS! <3) and hopefully all will go well. i’m not hoping for miracles, but anything is better than my current situation.

i’ve got hiiiiiiigh hopes, i’ve got hiiiiiigh hopes… i’ve got high, apple-pie-in-the-skyyyy hopes!

(starts dancing)

It pisses me off that it takes 7 years to complete this goal. Why 7? Way to go with helping me out.

This has become so hard to deal with. My mind keeps going back to my rituals. It is so much harder to fight when there is so much turmoil going on around me. I hate it! It makes me feel so weak. So many times I think about how it got started. I wish I could go back and change those thoughts. Change those habits. I had no idea what I was doing. I did not even know it was a problem for such a long time. It took a traumatic event to realize what it was. I do not know how to distract myself from this. It is getting worse.

I’ve been suffering from OCD since my teenage years. I’ve been under treatment on and off for the last decade and I’ve gone through different phases in fighting my OCD. I do want to be mentally healthy once and for all, and, although I know this is a chronic condition and will never be completely free from it, I want to lead as normal a life as possible.

ok today has been a hard day checking comments on FB ovr and over again to see of i had written offencive things or if they made sence the worst is i really have been snapping at my family coz when im pannicing inside about things and they aks me a civil question i snap nd tell them to f-off…. shit day to day but iv got to ride it out i just find i helps comming on here and writig it down for some reason just coz i know some one might b listening . x

i feel really terrible to day
im really anxious and i have loads of work i need to do but cant do it coz i can stop worrieing about stupid things mainly about well i dont really wanna say but yep feel like crap iv just gotta ride it out

this is something i have been struggling with ever since i was six years old. sure, there have been times in my life where i have been free of ocd and all of the anxiety and fear that goes into that, and they have certainly been the best times of my life. but of course i obsess and worry and think about something else later- an ongoing struggle. time and time again i have felt like i was the only soul going through this, either i have never met anyone with my problems, they don’t exist, or they don’t talk about. anyways, i spent too much time feeling desperately, hopelessly alone, wrapped up in my own mind.

today was the first time i ever reached out for help. it was frankly terrifying, thinking the doctor was going to tell me i was insane or something, waiting there. but it felt so amazing to finally come out and tell people my problems and all of the things i’ve kept secret for so long. im going on meds and going to do counseling. i feel very optimistic, i know its not going to be always easy, but i feel i would do anything to be able to complete this or at least keep it under my control….i thank god for this.

My OCD is getting a bit ridiculous. I don’t let anyone see it (well… only one close friend really knows how bad it is), but it’s getting just a bit out of control. My parents would never understand or take me seriously if I came right out and told them that I strongly believe I have OCD, so I’ve kept it to myself for a few years. Finally one of my close (older) friends noticed. She doesn’t think it’s a tragedy or anything. On the contrary, she finds it hilarious, I think. But, it’s actually kind of scaring me. Time to fix this? But how? And I’m scared that if I do fix it, I’ll turn into a slob. I’m glad that I’m cleanly and neat, and if my OCD problem goes away, I don’t want to be a wreck. But at the same time, something has to be done.

My OCD is getting worse. Yesterday I went home from work and touched my fabric clothes organizer and slided it a bit through the rod without washing my hands and taking shower. I have been going nuts ever since.
Now I think that all my clothes had been contaminated by the residue/powder that I might carry from work. And since I work alot with batteries, I am afraid these residue will ruin my clothes; fade the color or bleach them all together.

I don’t know anymore whether my reasoning is really logical or not. Is it?
I know this is a art of the CBT, but I feel that my clothes were really damaged by these residue. And counter-attacking my thought by thinking “IOh yeah, I could buy new clothes to replace them” does not help. Because the devil in me says that by entering the closet without taking shower, I have contaminated the whole closet.

I can’t stand it anymore….