I am almost 25 and have never had a good relationship… I am too nice they say, and so they can’t tolerate me. My family members say that its just because the men in my life don’t feel like they can live up to my expectations… I don’t have any. I want the people in my life to be who they are and I will love them anyways, but nobody takes the time to get to that point with me. I try not to annoy but somehow that in itself is annoying. I try to be fair and kind and just, and that just blows up in my face. Its almost impossible to make me mad enough not to forgive almost immediately… I try to be with other people as I would like to be treated… But year after year I meet guy after guy who don’t want me. They say I’m pretty and sweet and stuff, but I’m just not for them… So I figure I’m going to die alone. I’m never going to have the husband and children I dream of… I am so tired of being all alone… I wish I was dead, though I believe far too much in GOD to ever bring that about. Excuse me, the tears have clouded my vision.
How to accept loneliness
How I did it: After years of sadness, contentment, depression, rejuvination, solitude, activity, depression I am realising again (the umpteenth time?) that my birth being a difficult one resulting in my separation from my mother for my first 6 months plays a big role in who I am now.
"Attachment", a term in psychology, develops in the eraly month between mother and baby.
At primary school I was always alone at play times. At home I was always alone, an only child. We had few family friends or guests.
At 26 I had my first relationship and I spent all my time angry and proving to him that he wasn't worthy of me, trying to test his devotion. He was devoted, but I left him for another country, because I couldn't believe that I was loved (attachment).
No one else was devoted enough to tolerate me, and I have never really been devoted enough to love - except once, but that finished in a single altercation (disagreement). I was devastated that something so intense both emtionally and physically (for the first time ever) could finish with one sentence.
It destroyed my belief in love. Love is a creation of the mind and souland is WONDERFUL if you can do it. I can't. There's something in the hard-wiring (for me my birth and the subsequent months) that never changes.
When I lived in the city, I had no lfe, I just observed. everything was beautiful, the quality of everytning perfect, but there were no peope. I moved to a village, a new start, and made sure I followed up on people I met, went to visit, popped in for coffee. But months later I realised that it was me that was acting, no one ever visited me. I stopped going and no one seemed to notice.
Seeing patterns that repeat and repeat no matter how differently I behave has led me to some acceptance. don't kno if I do what I do wrong, or if I give wrong messages, but I do know taht beating myself up becasue of it doesn't change anything.
My life is what it is. In many ways it couldn't be better. I live in a beautiful place surrounded by mountains and peace, I love non-materialistically and naturally. I create and labour! I feel so sad for the company people, the city people, the trapped people.
This doesn't mean I don't cry when I'm low and it doesn't mean theat I don't wish I had family or just friends who came and went. It just means that blaming myself is doubly beating myself up....
I don't live my days optimistically believing that one day things will change. They may or may not change. The hope is itself tiring and depressing, exhausting. If things change they will change. The moment has to be enough. My moments are wonderful, when I can block out the sadness...and mostly I do, because I know it doesn't go anywhere.
Lessons & tips: Recognise your repetetive thoughts.
If they aren't positive, why have them? Can you block them? waht can you replace them with.
PLEASE at 25 don't think your life will never change. You probably have another 50 years for something to happen!!!
Don't blame.
Resources: Jenny Ditzler: Your Best Year Yet... I have long lost the book but insde the cover is the sentence: YOu are like an ornage tree that is struggling to grow oranges.
Feldenkrais Method work
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Sometimes loneliness is just a part of life.
I feel like I’ve learned to accept it, and I’m moving on. It’s okay to feel lonely sometimes, but these days I don’t let it overwhelm me.
I remember in the heat of an argument an ex girlfriend of mine screaming at me saying “one day you’re going to die sad and alone…” At the time I just thought like “man, what a bitch” and was just pissed off that she would go to such lengths not to prove a point but just hurt my feelings. But now that one thing has kind of haunted me and become pretty much the one thing that I fear. Sometimes it seems like I don’t do well with the other people around me, I don’t keep friendships the way that i feel i ought and I’ve never done so well with relationships (obviously) and it just seems like I always end up back in my own company. Which is not always that bad, just sometimes bad. so i guess the best remedy for anything is just a positive attitude and for those times when I have a little more of myself on my plate than I need I should just relish in it and accept that it’s just part of the way I was built.
i’m just a teen and i feel neglected by my parents cause my mom’s always working so i can never have a decent conversation with her and my dad is always taking care of my little brother so i got to deal with everything myself. i feel really lonely at times as i got noone to talk to cause i just changed school and i find it tough to make new friends cause i joined in late and everyone is already in their little ‘click’ not to mention my old friends don’t really keep in touch. today i took part in some school activity and when we were divided into groups of 3 i was placed with 2 girls i don’t know. i didn’t even want to talk to them because they both seemed to be in their little bubble since they were good friends. i just felt ‘outcast’ like i was an intruder. they probably think i’m a freak or something because i just kept to myself. geez they’re the ones who made me feel unwanted. i guess i just have to accept the loneliness and live alone all my life.
JP Creighton rising to shine on a rainy cloudy May Sunday;waiting for coffee, here.
Even as a husband and father, I know there are times I am lonely.
My wife has too much going on with her job, with the children, to play with me as much any more. I may have failed her as a husband, maybe in not keeping good employ, in not keeping in as good a shape. I could be more romantic with her.
Everybody will be lonely sooner or later. I am dealing with this sooner than some, maybe. At any rate, I’ll face it head on, honestly, without excuses or complaints.
the need of a social life. the need of a relationship… it’s not needed. and yet, not forbidden. and it’s not a matter of level of happiness/sorrow.
a person seeks for another person to prove itself that it does exist. something like, if god does exist or not, if i stop believing in its existence, it won’t stop existing.
we will be forgotten. and who remember us, who reminds us, those one will be forgotten too.
people feel lonely among the others. alone in the crowds. people fear the end. alone in the end. lonely hearts since the start, there’s a need of faith, to believe it does make a difference. as words, to be written but not read.
