I would have to say that I have lived a great life, but along the way have made bad choices just like everyone else. I always tend to make friends with people that are greedy, selffish, and jealous…. so perhaps that’s how someone would describe me. I don’t feel that way, but the truth hurts.
Recently, I have been having marital issues after only 1 long year of marriage. If I think back to when he asked me to marry him, it is hard to believe I would have so much regret for going through with the whole wedding. I have tried my best to keep my chin up and hold on to the last bit of self esteem I could grasp, but I feel it diminishing. My two good friends were the only constant support I had through this hard time, and then later on down the road, they ended up being the only constant negitivity. One of them started going through a divorce out of nowhere and immediately began dating, and she was my rock when it came to marriage advice and support. The other became one of those girls that had to mention her boyfriend and how perfect he was every two seconds of every conversation. I finally realized that my friends were more involved in “who had sex when and where and for how long” than they were willing to help me get through my problems. So, I let them go.
Is it normal to feel complete jealousy toward your good friends when everything in their life seems so exciting, and your life is going downhill fast? It started getting to the point that I felt guilty to even bring up my woes for fear I would bring them down from their happiness. I had to start pretending that everything was ok with me so that I didn’t have to put a damper on the conversation.
I have noticed that I am always wanting other people’s lives. I want what everyone else has, and what I have isn’t good enough. Who is to say how you should live your life? My Mom keeps telling me that I am wasting my life with my husband cause we never travel. Well, we couldn’t afford to travel even if I wasn’t married and secondly I’m only 24, so why does anyone have to travel to make life worth living? Is it a waste to not have tons of friends around all the time, or is it ok having your family, husband and dog as your support and social life?
A time has come for a big change, but I’m not sure what to change to keep me satisfied….. 8 years ago