overcome agoraphobia

I suffer from a pretty bad case of anxiety disorder with panic attacks. Agoraphobia is the main issue I have now, it is even troublesome to get more than half of a mile away from home. I am taking medication and doing a program. Between those two things, my will and the love of God, I am going to win. I have already made it further this week than I have in a year!

This year is the year that I’m going to overcome this, I can feel it. I’m finally ready to do this, I want it badly enough to push myself enough to overcome this. I’ve done things this year I hadn’t done in years. I’ve done things this year I’ve never done before. I even feel like a different person . If not this year , then most definitely by next year.

It’s so much easier for me to go out now and make phone calls and get things done. I’ve made an appointment to see a psychologist next week. And I will go there weekly for I don’t know how long . I’m going to be doing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which I think is good, because I refuse to take any kind of medication. And I am actually wanting to do this , I want to talk to someone .

I just turned 22 last week and I feel like as I’m getting older I’m caring less and less about what other people think about me and more about what I think and want I want and what’s important to me. I also know that when I want something I will do anything to get it even if it means going out of my comfort zone, I just have to want it bad enough.

I had surgery on Friday and I wasn’t allowed to wear make up. I hadn’t left the house without make up on for 10 years prior to Friday . And I never thought I would have done it. But because I was having surgery the adrenaline was taking my mind off the fact that I didn’t have make up on. So that was a huge step for me it felt really good to leave the make up off for once. I won’t be doing that again unless I have to but just to say that I did it is huge. It’s like it made me accept myself without make up on .

The day I had surgery I was alone in the waiting room for a few hours and afterwards and all the other patients had family with them . Adam didn’t want to stay he wanted to go home and sleep , and he even had the nerve to treat me like sh*t on the same night aswell. But this time it felt different . I didn’t feel alone and lonely . I felt confident that I can do everything alone and not need anyone there with me . And then I thought to myself I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life so I should start embracing it because it does make me stronger . I stayed there alone with no make up on and had no anxiety whatsoever, because I felt safe . Once I realized no one was looking at me strange I realized maybe it really is all in my head like everyone keeps telling me lol (the make-up issue)

My agoraphobia was so bad 3 years ago that I couldn’t even make a phone call or answer the phone or go outside with someone. I couldn’t even take a photo of myself without make up on because it disgusted me so much .Now I can do all those things easily except shopping alone . But I’m working on that one. I’m too polite and nice and people take advantage of that and walk all over me so I want to work on my personality a bit so I don’t let others do that to me.

I’m going to get a part time job by the end of this year , I’m not going to work full time . Part time is better for me because it’s only 4-6 hours a day so there’s no time for a big break in between , which means no time for me to think about the situation which is good.

This year I’m focusing on pushing myself even if I don’t want to do something . Because if I didn’t do that I wouldn’t be where I am now , I have made so much progress this year and it keeps getting easier . I’m always going to be a quiet private person but that’s just me . I just need more self confidence . I have all the confidence in the world when I’m at home but when I go out it goes down a lot .

Well, I’m 14 going on 15 in March this year. I’m a teenager and i suffer from ongoing panic attacks called agoraphobia. I sometimes find myself avoiding situations in which a panic attack may occur. The truth is, I’m kind of ashamed that i have this way of thought. Non of my friends know about this phsycological problem that I’m going though. My parents and sister are the only people who know what I’m going through and they’ve been very helpfull. I’ve been seeing a shrink for a little over a year, probably once a month or so. She’s helped me a lot. When i first began to have panic attacks, i had NO CLUE what i was experiencing. I thought i was going mental or crazy. When my mom finally told me to go talk to someone about what i was feeling, i felt a sudden weight off my shoulder. I even felt like i was cured just to finally know what was going on with me, and then answers to what I was experiencing on a regular day basis. Things were going well and they still are. I go out with my friends and I’m beginning to be more socialy involved again. Things are going great and I’m so proud of myself.
I resently went to a party. I was having a great time, dancing with cute boys and socializing. Then, i lost my friends and began to stay with these popular girls while trying to find my real friends. When i found them, i began to experience a panick attack. Is it normal to have an over lapse ? I`m kind of bumed because i was doing so so great ! I was finally starting to have a posotive attitude towards outings and events, like i used to !
I have never heard about this site before, I was just reserching on the internet about agoraphobia because I`m leaving to Mexico in 6 days and I`m a little nervous :( what will happen if i get a panick attack on the 4 hour plane ? I don`t want my trip to get ruined ! I always loved traveling !!!!!!!!
I really need some posotive feedback. Any help guys ?

This goal hasn’t been a high priority of mine for the last few years, I put most of my other goals before this one but I’m ready to actually try to do this.

My goal is to overcome agoraphobia by the end of this year . It is getting a bit easier to go out now I’m not avoiding things I just do them . The fact that I will be 22 in 2 months is what’s making me push myself out of the situation a bit more because I don’t want to waste my 20’s at home isolated I would hate myself if I did that to myself .

For the last few weeks I have forced myself out of my situation. I went in the backyard without make up on quite a lot and didn’t care .I would never go out in public without make up though ever but the backyard was a huge step for me . I have gone out without a jacket on . Usually I wear a jacket as well as a top with jeans or pants when I leave the house just to hide myself . But it has been so hot here in the last week that I had no choice but to not wear a jacket when I went out today because I would have drawn more attention to myself by wearing a jacket on a 40c day lol. Usually I would of canceled my appointment or just not gone out , but I did it and I didn’t even care that I was out I didn’t feel insecure at all I just felt happy .

It seems to me that I have a distorted view of reality , because I haven’t been out much in the last few years I see the world through the tv and my thoughts. I feel like if I don’t look immaculate then I shouldn’t leave the house. But when I go out I realize that most people don’t think that way and everyone looks rather average and normal and happy. I don’t know why I think I have to look good in order to be seen or heard, I guess I place my self worth in my appearance. It all comes down to the body dysmorphic disorder .

The thing is, I have to be working by the end of the year so I am trying to push myself out of this situation as much as I can now so it won’t be harder for me when I have to work every day . So far it’s been really easy , I guess all I needed was to be pushed out of the situation without choice . Maybe I was only in this situation for so long because I could be and I was taking advantage of it a little . Agoraphobia I can overcome, it’s the body dysmorphic disorder that is going to be the real challenge.

I’m just unbelievably bored right now so I thought I would write an entry in here . I haven’t left this house since Xmas eve when I went to my mum’s for the day with Adam and Lailah . I want to go outside so bad that I feel like crying because I just can’t do it . Every time I let Lailah outside when she wants to go out , it’s sunny and the air smells really nice I just want to go out there and sit in the sun . LOL I love the smell of the air in summer . And in Summer it always brings back happy memories of all the fun things I’ve done in my lifetime in the Summer months.

It’s so strange how just being in the sun or being outside for that matter , can change my whole outlook on a situation. I love the outdoors , and I use to spend most of my time outside before I was agoraphobic . When I don’t leave the house for weeks at a time, sometimes not even seeing outside the doors or curtains I start to think my life is all about me and that nothing else exists or matters. But when I look out the door from the inside the real world comes back to me and reality sets in a little.

So here’s why I can’t go outside, and have avoided it for most of the last few years :
I have body dysmorphic disorder, which is what caused the housebound agoraphobia state. If I want to go into my backyard for 5 minutes, I have to put on sunscreen all over my body and wait 20 minutes till it starts to work before thinking about going outside because I want to avoid any chance of getting a freckle. Then I have to make sure my hair is straightened and my make up is on and immaculate . It seems like a lot of work just for 5 minutes or so , and so I don’t even bother. And when I do bother, sometimes I get too nervy and don’t go out the backdoor anyway and then get really annoyed because I made myself up for nothing .

Another thing I noticed last year is that I eat a lot out of boredom and when I actually think about what I’m mindlessly eating, I can feel a full feeling in my stomach like I’m not even hungry , yet I’ll keep eating soon after because the thoughts go away and I forget about it . When I go out shopping with my sister and she wants to get fast food on the way home I always say no because I’m not hungry , I can go the whole day without eating, and not be hungry just because I’m so happy that I don’t need food to fill that void I was missing alone isolated at home. Yes I do live with Adam, but he is such a miserable negative narcissist that I think he actually adds to my problems times 10. When he’s not here I feel so much better , come to think of it the last time he went to his dad’s for 3 days I took my dog for a walk and everything .

That was a long post lol but I am bored out of my mind tonight , I might add more later .

Agoraphobia no need to say any more about that only it stops me going out especially in certain setting.

Does anyone know of a perscription that helps anxiety that DOES NOT make you dopey? My Dr. had mentioned Lyrica but now is saying that he was talking about it for pain… I dont need anything for pain ( well I have a problem with picking my nails and biting them very badly, but what dr. perscribes a pain killer for this?)I had alot of hope about this pill to help my anxiety but now Im back to square one. Very discouraging.

I want to go back to the way I was before I declined into this self made prison called Agoraphobia. My parents dont understand it at all and even though Im almost 24 years old, they seem to be placating me(I feel like they thing Im making it up and it hurts that they cant see how real and painful and embarassing this is for me). Ive recently gotten married, just had a baby, and other than a few places I havent left my home in over a year and a half. Ive lost 99% of my friends. Im broke. Im lonely. I feel broken. I used to be like a gypsy and I loved adventure and travel. I could ride in other peoples cars and go to new and exciting places. I was like the wind, nothing held me back. Now I have this horrible self loathing. I dont feel worthy of my relationship with my husband, I feel lazy, boring, and trapped. I take medications which barely help at all(mostly just antidepressants), Ive been seeing a professional counselor every other week, but all we do is just talk about whats going on in my life. I need advice on how to agressivley confront and attack my problem. Any advice or ideas are MORE THAN welcome. Has anybody ever reached this goal?