I went to the name change place and got the form and then I was like, “Okay, now what?” I hadn’t yet decided on a first, middle, OR last name. I was on the spot… I had called my bluff. So I borrowed a quarter from Vladimir and flipped it in the air and asked her to call it. She said, “Heads for McLeod, tails for Butterfield”. It landed heads. That was my opportunity to change the course of fate and veto for Butterfield, but the whole reason I’m doing this (okay, maybe 30% of the reason) is to sort of face uncertainty, confusion, and absurdity head on. And to make it official as something I want to face head on… to me it feels like a Bar Mitzvah for lost souls, or a baptism into the absurd. McLeod it is.
I tried texting Leanne to make sure she was okay with this name and unfortunately there was no reception in the building! So I felt a little forsaken and knew I had to make the decision on my own, not unlike Jesus on the cross you might say.
I was going to toss a coin again for my first name, Buster, Muppet, or Benny, but I decided to just go with Buster. Benny was a bit of a cheat because people sometimes call me that, and Muppet I vetoed simply because it was a bit too weird. :)
So, the first name is intentional, the last name is accidental, and like that I have one foot in my own decision-making and one foot in chance, and I guess it sort of means something to me that way.
The next line was to state the reason for the name change. I was going to just say, “Because I want to” but I felt like I had to be more specific than that. I put “for artistic reasons”... sort of in line with a realization that I had on the vipassana retreat, and that was that a noteworthy goal is to develop and express a personal aesthetic… whatever that happens to be. It doesn’t mean that I’m an artist, it just means that I should strive to do everything I do in my own style. To succeed and fail beautifully and with dignity intact and foxes and whales and hot air balloons and my friends encouraging me even if the whole thing is a little dumb. Life is dumb (in a good way).
After all of that, the judge wasn’t there to sign the papers, so I have to go back tomorrow morning. But the hard work is out of the way. We’ll see what happens next! 8 years ago