Before I had my daughter I thought I would look so good if I lost 10 to 15 lbs. I’m 5’7” and weighed 150lbs. when I got pregnant. I now weigh 164lbs. and it feels like a world of difference. Now that she’s 10 months old and I still havent lost all the weight I look back at pictures of my self and WISH I looked like that now. I want to be a hot mom not only for me but for my daughter and husband. I want them to be proud of their mom and wife. I want my family to be healthy, and be inspired by me to take care of themselves too.
When I see hot mom’s in stores and I say to myself “that’s a hot mom”, and I want people to be able to say that about me too. Especially my freinds because I’ve always been the fat friend and I’m sick of it.
I guess my next step is to do something about it. This weekend I’m going to buy the book “You on a diet” by Dr. Oz. Hopefully I’ll get some inspiration and knowlegde that will help me become “A Hot Mom”!
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Some days I am just so tired, I feel like I can’t go on. And then I look at the clock, realize that its only 5, and I still have to feed Elijah, take him for a walk, try to get him in the bath and put him to sleep. And I don’t want to! I must sound like a whiney person, but some days it just seems so difficult just to pick him up. I don’t feel depressed or anything, I just feel like I have nothing left to give. I may not be working outside the house, but I feel like (and hubby said it a week or so ago) a full-time mom. Which is weird since I have a job waiting for me in Pittsburgh. But since I’m a full time mom, my job never ends. Hubby gets to leave his job.
That’s a point of contention for me (not like he knows it, though). He comes home from work, and wants to relax. Problem is, I want to too! He’s supposed to take Elijah so I can have breaks, but after 5 minutes, I get him back.
But that isn’t my point. My point is just that I feel like I do everything and get nothing. Is that just what being a mom is about? I thrill in the various moods and experiences my son gives me. But he’s only 10 months old. And hubby. I feel like he doesn’t think I do anything; that I have it easy because I’m at home all day. Just taking care of the kid. The same feeling I got while I was still in school. I had it easy, just having class a couple days a week for a few hours. He never factored in homework, and he never factors in the fact that I’m ALWAYS on duty, day and night. Elijah is still in our bed because I couldn’t get him to stay in his crib. And I wanted to sleep.
I know, I know. If I had kept trying, he would have stayed in the crib eventually. And then I wouldn’t be in this mess. And it was one excuse after another: finals, moving, annual training, traveling, until finally he was 10 months and still sleeping with us. Hubby said tonight that either Elijah moves out of the bed or he does, becuase he hasn’t gotten a decent night’s sleep in a long time. Where was this four months ago? Why wasn’t he gung-ho to get him into his crib then? I have my suspicions.
I feel like everything related to the home and baby is dumped on me, and I don’t get any appreciation for it. I know, I sound like a broken record. You don’t like it, stop reading. I’m trying to vent here. Sorry for wasting your time.
OK, you had your chance. Hubby tends to leave behind a trail of little messes. Work shoes there, sweatshirt over the chair, pop can on the end table, toothpick (!!!!!!) on the coffee table. Without regard to the fact that he is leaving messes in a (fairly) clean room. Without regard to the fact that some of these things should NOT BE LEFT OUT. (After NUMEROUS conversations about it.) Without regard to the fact that often half of the reason I’m up so late is because I’m cleaning up after him. So after I clean up after him and babe, it’s been a hour and I still haven’t done what I WANTED to do.
Maybe I just start picking up the dangerous things and leaving everything else (once we have our own place. While we’re with mom and dad, I am unfortunately relegated to cleaning EVERYthing). It will drive me mad, though. I know it. To have a clean house except for his little messes. Worry about that when I get there, right?
Well, I feel a little better. Still tired. Off to look at my scrapbook layout. MY time. At 11:30. So much for going to bed before midnight.
We are recording video of Elijah, and we got to some recent footage of me making him laugh. I was amazed to see that I actually looked good on tape! It definately gave my confidence a boost. I don’t really understand, cuz when I look in the mirror, I don’t see the person on saw on tape. But she must be there somewhere!
