make sleep a priority

This is an ongoing struggle for me. I feel like I start to gain on it and then fall back again because of stress or obligation or I wish I only knew. I am persevering though. I am up to 6 to 6 1/2 hours almost every night this week. I am working on this with my therapist and now a naturopath doctor. I just know everything else could get so much better if I could improve this one key thing.

The girls are getting more and more squirrely and acting out as the piles of boxes mount. I am not getting enough sleep to accommodate all the stress and I’m starting to act out too. This was not a good mommy day. At all. 4pm found me standing by the side of my car 4 blocks from home shaking and teary after I overreacted to some idiot jerk who cut me off (yes, I screamed out my window). I then pulled over and screamed bloody murder at my daughter who had been screaming at me about something unrelated from the back seat during the whole thing. Nice job, Mom. And so effective too.

The thing is, even when these things are coming out of me, I have a separate thought process running through my head telling me I shouldn’t and how anxious she is and how she just needs love and some understanding. And I can listen to that inner voice when I have sleep. The two of us did spend the rest of the evening hugging and being close to each other so I was able to make up some ground. But I’d rather just never be that way.

I need to get this move over and go to bed. Actually, I probably just need to go to bed but I am so nervous about getting it all done in time.

My sleep patterns have gone down hill since my first daughter was born 7 years ago. Now with the divorce and fulltime care of the girls, well, enough is enough. Enough being tired at any given moment of the day. Enough drowsy commutes. All my quality time with my children finds me craving sleep and not being very present with them. I am much more reactionary and less empathetic the less sleep I get. I want to change. I need to focus on sleep. I now get an average of 5 1/2 hours. I want to aim for a reasonable 7 to 7 1/2.

So the plan is to use this weekend alone to make my bedroom a haven. I am thinking headboard, more pillows, curtains to pull over the blinds to shut out the street lamp light. Definitely rehanging my artwork and getting clutter out of the room.

I also need to find a nighttime routine to help me turn my brain off. Besides late night TV, which works to empty my head but keeps me up too late. I am thinking of trying a nighttime yoga video I have, maybe a bath? Whatever I do needs to feel special and nourishing or I’ll never rid myself of my television addiction (it is sooo much easier to immerse myself in other peoples dramas than face my own late at night).

So, the beginning of a plan is emerging from my tired brain. I feel a little hopeful already. I can’t even imagine what I will be like with a more normal sleep pattern – more creative, more organized, happier, better skin -ooo, maybe I’ll start to lose that extra 10! Wish me luck…