learn to feel how I really feel

I feel balanced now.

it seems that my body feels instead of me… i can se my body reactions but i feel nothing. so i can learn from my body!

they say mood is the weather, but larger frame is general climate, disposition, character? whatever. i will call it underlying emotion.
i notice general climate is something “normal” noone ever perceive as such. for example my best friend’s underlying emotion is feeling of guilt. that is why we can’t really understand each other. not that i never been there but 20years ago i moved to another climate LOL. i remember that feeling but i can’t really understand it any more.
so she got me thinking, what is my own underlying feeling i’m unaware of, totaly irrational and apearing as having rational cause? that looks tottaly justified to me but in the essence, it is total b*st. (that is how i see my friend’s feeling of guilt. there is no reason on Earth why she sould feel guilty.) and i discovered it is resentment. resentment! that’s crazy. i don’t need to live in that shadow any more!
:D {big grin}

Been crying alot recently due to the relationship me and my friend have. I dont know whether these emotions are real are just a passing cloud, i seem to be uncertain in these moments of grey cries.

Back on track. Wohoooooooooo! hehe :)

That peaceful balance in me is returning ever more naturally :)

Im somewhat more detached now of everything. Ive let go of feeling and yet i want the feeling to come back. There is a change occurring deep in me. I know

A child conditioned to be well-behaved must not notice what she is feeling, but asks herself what she ought to feel.FOR YOUR OWN GOOD – Alice Miller
page 120
the whole book ONLINE