close the gap between my actual self and my ideal self

i’m happy with myself
nothing changed
i’m still me
just greatful
to be given
the chance
to live

i know i wont be able to grow 4 inches, lol, but thats ok, thats what heels are for. but i’d like to work out more, just to tone up.
i’ve been drinking a lot of water, and thats helping my skin stay clear, so thats good.

emotionally i think my biggest issue is confidence. i think i have relatively good self esteem, but i just need to trust myself more. this is easier said than done. i remember in school when the prof would ask a question most of the time i wouldnt answer even if i knew the answer, and someone else would answer instead. oh that was the worst feeling ever. knowing the answer but not being able to answer bc your heart is beating so fast you feel like its gonna burst out of your chest.
so next time i’m in a similar situation i’ll just ignore the heart racing, and face it.

as for grad school, i need to just decide if this is somthing i really want anyway. i think it is. how does one decide this anyway???
i’m gonna try comminting to studying for the gre 1 hour a day for a week, and then the next week i’ll push it to 2 hrs, and keep going from there.
maybe having a deadline would help.

when it comes to praying, i know i’m happiest and feel most at peace when i pray and just believe that god hears me. gonna try to focus more.

physically:
-5’6 140
-ok skin
-need to work on the posture

emotionally:
-not as confident as i’d like to be, but much better than before
-it seems that when i’m around people i find intimidating, i worry more about how they see me, so i tend to just clam up and not say much.
-yeah i need to just learn to trust myself and speak up more

mentally:
-i know i could do it, i dont know whats stopping me from studying…procrastination, fear of failure…
-i’d love to get that graduate degree. but perhaps i’m basing too much of my future happiness on a degree.
-getting a job where i feel like i’m making a difference would be a dream come true

spiritually:
-i pray, but i kinda lost the intensity with which i used to pray w/.

physically:
-5’10 125lbs
-perfect skin
-good posture

emotionally:
-i’d be confident
-not be so shy around people i find intimidating
-be able to voice my opinion when i’m w/ a group of unfamiliar people.
-not worry so much about what other people think of me

mentally:
-i’d be able to focus on studying so i could take the freakin gre so i could apply to grad school
-get into grad school and get that higher degree
-have an amazing job, where i feel proud to go to work

spiritually:
-pray more and really mean it
-find my connection w/ god, sometimes i feel like i have it, and it feels like being surrounded by the most amazing golden glow.
havent felt that in a while…