Sleep When I am Tired

I want to sleep only when I am tired, and not a moment before. It isn’t a problem for me, per se, but it’s a piece of something larger I’d like to achieve.

I want to go to bed when I’m tired and get up at a set time. I think one should only call it a night when one is ready to fall asleep.

I just can’t, can’t break this mindset that I have to go to sleep at the calculated time in order to get “X” amount of sleep. That’s really not smart, but I was taught that early on and now I trying to overcome it, because it’s inaccurate. No one is going to be sleepy at the same time every night, or at any predetermined time.

I mostly do this now.

I promised myself yesterday that I’d go to bed by nine o’clock, only to actually fall asleep around eleven. However, eleven is better than twelve.

And the great thing is, I’m having a fantastic day.

I need to keep reminding myself how much better I feel getting seven hours of sleep rather than six.

I like pretend to myself that I am a healthy person—I’ve been vegetarian for 7 years, and I exercise almost every day. But I’ve always hated to have to go to bed. And all too frequently I look at the clock and it’s 1 am and I have to be up at 6 and so I’m chronically sleep deprived, which is Not Healthful. Ooops.

(edna st.vincent millay)