be honest about my feelings

This is going to be one of the hardest goals for me…It’s very emotional and complicated. I’m lying everyday to someone about how I truly feel about him. I’m waiting for the right time and place to finally be honest.

Part of me wants to be honest about my feelings. But I have problems with this when it hurts others. :/

I don’t think I’ll ever be COMPLETELY honest about my feelings. Say, if my friend asks me if I like her shirt, and I really don’t, I can’t say “No, I think it’s hideous.”

But yet I don’t say it so that you can tell I really don’t like it, either: “YEAH! OMGIT’SSOEFFINGAWESOME!! =D”

I don’t react that way. In this type of situation I’d prolly have the reply of “Yeah, it’s cool.” Is this so wrong? _

I think it’s important to consider other’s feelings. Why is it so important to tell my true feelings of something like a shirt? In that situation I think it’s okay to “lie to myself.” If it was something much more serious, I don’t think I could lie about it.

I don’t want to burden people when they ask us how we are, when we really feel horribly, so, if I’m not close to them I say fine. But it’s somebody I could confide in, I’d tell the truth.

I think it’s just important to maintain a balance here.. Between being honest with my feelings yet caring about other’s feelings at the same time.

not being honest about my feelings has been my biggest challenge in my relationships with the men in my life. it started in childhood and though i can accurately pinpoint the cause and see the negative effect it has had on my life i still find it difficult to be completely emotionally honest with men.

i know that this significantly contributed to the deterioration of my last relationship and though i’ve gotten somewhat better about this it has still caused me problems in my current relationship.

it’s this feeling that the other person will think that my emotions aren’t valid or real or worthwhile. that they will think i’m silly for feeling this way or that i’m faking my feelings. this has led me to totally shut down when someone is asking me what i’m feeling or thinking, to avoid the topic and eye contact, and to never ever let anyone see me cry.

it’s unhealthy. i’ve had a few minor breakthroughs but in general i still find myself clinging to old habits. this is going to be one of the more difficult goals to accomplish.

but i really feel like i have been doing this and have realized how critical it is to me being true to who i am.

i’ve been thinking about this for several weeks and last night i finally told him the truth – it’s just not going to work out between us.

I feel like I can breathe again. Almost as if I have been walking through every day and holding my breathe and wondering why I felt off.

Anyway, it’s done, i’ve hurt someone i never wanted to hurt, but i feel more myself today than i have in the past few months.

either i’m not ready to share myself with anyone or he just wasn’t the right person.

I find this very hard. I’m so used to being ‘not-honest’ about my feelings that I barely know when I do it now. I also barely know what my feelings are.

I agree to things and activities that I probably wouldn’t if I gave myself I chance to think about it. I accept things people do and say without considering if I really actually think it’s ok. I do things because I’m used to it, not thinking about whether I really want to, and if so, what my motivations really are. Do I do these things because I want to, or do I ‘want to’ to get approval and love? I don’t know. I really don’t.

Sometimes I really feel like I don’t know myself. I was filling in a job application and almost cried when i got to ‘hobbies and interests’ – because I couldn’t name anything, nothing particular. Just reading and music and all those other things that everyone says when asked but that aren’t really interests at all. I don’t know what I like.

i think it stems from my ‘trust’ issues. hehehe

i was reconnected with someone that i have been ignoring for the past 3 years. i realize now that i was trying to smother my feelings with indifference. now that we are talking again, i find myself hoping for a second chance and that scares the crap out of me. i have such conflicting thoughts – do i wait to see how this develops or do i say what i want?

so confusing, but in the spirit of trying to be more honest about my feelings, maybe i share that i am conflicted.

there’s nothing wrong with being complicated.

I apperently have 1 day left to complete this goal..oops. I have improved, I really have, but I wouldn’t say I’ve mastered it yet. I’m getting there (hopefully) but it’s truly painfully slow. I’m just not confident enough in my own opinions and I don’t want to hurt or upset people. In my head, treating people well and being liked unfortunately goes above being completely honest about how I feel. I’m trying to sort this out though, because I know the importance of being true to myself..especially when it comes to my goal of creating true intimacy. I’ll keep working on this, despite the challenge being over (and failed). I need too.

I’ve had this goal on here for ages, and I’m trying, but it’s just so hard. I hate conflict and I try my very best to shy away from it at all times. And that doesn’t exactly bode well for a goald of ‘being honest about my feelings’, at least not when I think my feelings could upset someone else / make for conflict. So I say nothing, and turn the bad feelings on myself instead of making it into a constructive discussion. And so I feel bad about myself, my life, everything. I don’t know how on earth I’ll sort this one out. I really want to be honest, I just can’t.