be more patient (especially with the terminally stupid)

It’s bad enough that Farrah Fawcett died this morning of cancer, but now her story is shoved aside in favor of the sudden death of that freak Michael Jackson. The radio stopped talking about her and has shifted gears to cover nothing but the King of Pop (snort).

Remember “Bozo”? Well, he’s back. I’m not sure what the definition of a stalker is, but I think he’s coming quite close.

While TG and I were on vacation, my sister called me. Bozo and his fiancee (poor idiot) showed up at my Grandmother’s house (I can’t believe he remembered where she lived) uninvited and unannounced. Incredibly, she invited him in. He said he was moving to Colorado and asked for my address. She gave it to him. After he left, she called my sister who, in turn, called me. I am absolutely furious with my Grandmother.

The stupid idiot fiancee contacted me by e-mail asking why I left in the middle of the night while he was at work. She asked me if there was any violence (Gee! Ya think?) and if he ever cheated on me. Now she’s found me on Facebook and submitted a friend request. Needless to say, it’s been denied.

I just joined Facebook a week ago – as many of you know – and don’t feel safe posting anything there now, so I’m deleting my account.

Is this stalking?

It’s such a joy reading resumes for a part-time maintenance person, and I thought I would share some of the all-time top-rated statements to add zing and ensure a call to interview. I call it…

Clinch the Storage Maintenance Job – mention this in your resume!

“I can see problems coming before they happen, and I am highly computerized.”

“I am self-started and general maintenance as needed.”

“Please email me if you are interesting.”

“I have 2 years experience in bartending and mixology and also bar backing with minimal server experience, but I am a vast learner.”

“Additional experience in intravenous, catheter, and post-surgical wound care.”

“I am responding to your advertisement in Craig’s list regarding the Optician position in your optometrist office.”

“Objective: To obtain a position as a Medical Assistant within the healthcare environment which will utilize my acquired patient care skills.”

“I’m a college student looking to earn some money before I leave on vacation at the end of June.”

“I need to work mornings 6am to 12noon Monday thru Friday.”

“Objective: A position in customer service with a special interest in a job.”

“I also worked as an assistant for the CEO of the company which included: caring and driving his children, helping with homework, house sitting, pet sitting, and personal errands.”
^{Personally speaking – I would have omitted this unless I were applying for a job as a stripper.}

One of our tenants is moving out of his storage unit and came in to rent our moving truck. I asked for his drivers license and proof of insurance, and he dug through his wallet. He produced a drivers license and credit card. Thinking he just wasn’t paying attention I said, “Oops! Not your credit card. Your proof of insurance.”

“Huh?”

“Proof. Of. Auto. Insurance.”

“Oh. I don’t have that. But I have a credit card.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t ask for a credit card. I asked to see your proof of insurance.”

He dug around in his wallet some more and produced another card. “Here’s my pilot license.” (He works for United Airlines.)

“Oh,” I said, “that would be great—if you were renting a moving plane. But you’re not. It’s a moving truck. So I need your proof of auto insurance.”

“Well, I just told you I don’t have any.”

And to think he is responsible for an airplane full of unsuspecting passengers… Mental note: never ever fly United.

I may as well give up on this- it just isn’t going to happen!

not to kick this guy in the head. I heard this moron say and insist when others contradicted him that:

Purple rhymes with gerbil.

Some moron just threw out his six-month-old Christmas tree, and it still has the lights wound around it. _{And, no, it doesn’t look anywhere near fresh.}

Stupid comment of the day: “oh, crap… sorry, I forgot Earth was round”
No amount of books on Buddhism could help with that.

You have to read lots of books about buddhism, I guess, to become perfect in this task ;-)

My comments in red, his in blue. OMG!

If we’re out having a tame evening with a beer and your cell phone sings and it’s a sure thing calling, are you going to ask me in a loud voice “Are we having sex tonight?” then ditch me?

You are a lovely, sensuous, and dynamic woman. How could I possibly ditch you?

You’re so funny! You don’t remember doing this the last time we were out at the Mexican restaurant by your house? I almost died of embarrassment when the people at the other tables looked over! It was almost funny.

I may be a bit of a slut. I am not ashamed of who I am. One thing I am certain of dear is that I have a knack for finding exceptional pussy. Baby you are that and then some. Don’t you forget it. Crude yes, but its the damn truth.

Just being honest. You have the right attitude, the looks and the body, girl. If I could get inside you and turn you on amazing things could happen. Just a simple fact.

Okay… Ummmm… Yeah… If you say it’s true, it is most certainly crude. Thanks for the – ahem – compliment.