Fall is approaching! This season I will let something go (let it fall away). I'll surrender a habit, a person, an excuse I keep using. I choose to surrender it and move forward in my life. This will set me free ;)

Especially to those who are not the least bit affected by the outcome. If they don’t understand, who cares? To borrow a phrase from an old family friend”, I don’t need their approval.”

...upon my doorstep. tomorrow may bring the need to shovel.

i have lifted off the burden of completing my taxes. three years of stress have gone from my shoulders this fall. Nov. 5th, actually, i think was the day. hallelujah. we can’t even believe that the saga, the burden, the guilt of owing someone else money has gone. it is like our shoulders don’t know what to do with themselves now that they don’t have to drag upon the ground. i could weep for joy… for the shock of it all. it is still so incredible that it is over.

Sometimes its just good to walk away from something that isn’t fulfilling. After feeling frustration for a long time, I finally did it. And feel all the better for doing so!

There are no wrong turns. Only wrong thinking on the turns our life has taken. ~~ Zen saying

The right people to let go of this fall have fallen by the wayside. Intellectually and emotionally, setting up a task list that would allow me to gracefully transition my perspective and my thinking was incredibly successful and cathartic for me. Pushing the issues, I’ve been able to speak clearly and to clear the air about so many issues effectively and responsibly in ways that are healthy.

And yes… for the record, it’s true. I do feel free now that I have wiggled back out of the situations I had gotten myself into that were not making me all warm and fuzzy.

Having made my choices, vented my griefs, and either decided to strengthen or release some of my personal and professional ties with people or organizations has been an incredibly positive experience for me. Next up? Revisiting my year, reassessing my next set of goals, and revising the HECK out of the way I make my New Years Resolutions because this time (for closing out 2008 and laying the foundation for 2009), I’m going to use the same time line formula to help keep me moving forward in the right directions in all the ways that matter to me.

Happy Halloween, everybody… and thanks for the supportive cheers for my vague and rambling Fall venting post. So many times it not what we say that matters nearly as much as what we do and, even more importantly, what we mean. With the Fall season in full swing and so many changes on the horizon for the upcoming winter and spring seasons, I am so grateful for everything SWEET and so fun here at 43…

If life is not quite right in the world at times, be proactive and carve out a world that makes you happy about all that you experience and see. The world around you is conspiring to bring you exactly what you need in this lifetime to succeed.

Here’s my fall rant…

Holding people responsible for their own actions, myself included, is a healthy habit. This year, I’ve been thinking a lot about the masks people wear pretending to be one thing publicly yet doing another thing privately.

2008 has been interesting. To be blunt with myself in a way that is unflattering, I’ve allowed a number of people to take credit for work I have done, leaving themselves promoted personally and my efforts disregarded overwhelmingly. Even though it is all starting to come out now, bottom line it is still bothering me. [Essentially, they’ve worn a mask to pretend to be worthy and I’ve worn a mask that has kept me out of the public eye regarding my responsibility for positive results and contributions to my community.] In addition, I’ve found myself covering for people who on their own would fail, and it’s reminding me of a younger me [when I was stupid and willing to make excuses for people I thought mattered to me]. This has led me to embracing this FALL AWAY goal (along with a firm mental chastisement of myself for knowing better than to be doing what I’m doing and wondering why I am not feeling as “froggy” about life as I should be).

How I got into this unique set of messes is too long of a story, but bottom line, I realize that the negative pattern is something I have allowed to exist and, further, have actively participated in creating my personal environment by inviting the burdens and shouldering the load of responsibility willingly.

When I find that I have allowed people to slide past accountability in their responsibilities and I have jumped in to pardon, excuse, or save them, I’ve allowed myself to slip into a place where I am living out of my own sense of integrity. If I choose to accept sub-par behavior from people in my environment and dealing with them makes me unhappy, then it is my own fault for choosing to participate with them and to let myself be a part of their weird drama games.

In my world, I’m responsible for my own actions, attitudes, responses, and choices. In a perfect world, other people act and feel equally responsible for theirs. Life does not always work in a way that is fair, right, or equal though. Other peoples habits, actions, and choices are their own problem, and not up to me to judge or validate their decisions or behavior. As such, I can only accept responsibility for me.

This fall, I have a few negative habits of my own on my personal radar I’m targeting and am striving to let fall away. With that, I’m actively striving to fill the voids with positive patterns of emotional and psychological conditioning that will help me succeed in improving life for me.

Number one, is my habit of excusing other people for slack behavior. Where I don’t hold people to a standard above performance ability, I should be able to hold folks accountable to perform to at least my own baseline level of effort, behavior, and mannerism. By putting myself on an internal time-line of completing this goal by the end of the season, I’m forcing myself to perform. They by making proper choices and actions, me by holding people accountable for their character and cutting them off if they are not up to a performance standard that is satisfactory.

The hardest trick?

Number two: I have to give up the habit of feeling responsible for fixing people who appear (in my judgement) to be broken. Instead, I need to be promoting proper choices in situations and being willing to step away and allow failure to be a viable option, recognizing that defeat is actually a new way to promote growth in different directions. That trick is REALLY HARD. Because I resist failure, I cause myself difficulties. The rub is figuring out how to stop making excuses for people and to stop myself from helping poor bets (those who have not earned trust, faith, or support) without allowing myself to feel guilty for not being willing to do more. If I change how I look at the concept of failure, it is my hope that I can stop feeling guilt when it becomes necessary to say enough is enough and to walk away decisively.

The easiest solution that requires a new, more healthy habit forming?

Number three, I need to surrender my attachment to believing that something good at one time will automatically last forever. I’d like to establish a new healthy response of having faith in myself overall but moving forward one step at a time with people to allow myself an opportunity to exercise ongoingdiscernment. Trusting my intuition when it tells me there is something right or wrong in any situation helps me make better judgments; I need to pay attention to myself more and to allow myself the luxury of saying “No” whenever it becomes necessary. Bottom line, as people rise up to perform acceptably, they should be rewarded by continuing participation and involvement with me. If they drop the ball without resolution or burn me, cut the loss and the connection immediately and rise above to move beyond. By offering blind unconditional love to folks and then being disappointed or hurt, I act naively. I also award them unearned treats. By pre-qualifying all relationships (personal and professional) with a responsibility clause, I am more likely to behave logically and act prudently.

With each leaf that falls, I willing to give back and let land one more piece of responsibility that I give back to whomever passed the buck or the blame off on me. If I picked up a crusade, a cause, or a task that does not belong to me because I felt sorry for someone or was trying to save or salvage something with potential or possibilities, I’m making a conscious choice to step back and stop taking on responsibilities that don’t belong to me. The person, the people, the tasks, the whatnots are all superfluous, really.

What matters this season, this year, this lifetime, is that I learn not to overextend myself and how to take care of being solely responsible solely for me without feeling like I have not done enough to take care of the world around me. As such, I’ve decided to add the internal monologue response to each and every person I hear making excuses, pointing fingers of blame, demanding respect or spoils that they don’t deserve, or whining why something they wanted didn’t happen, broke, or blew up, “Tough nouggies.”

Speaking of that, I think I’ll give away nougats to any of the rotten apples who seem to be falling down around me this year as Halloween candy just as an extra reminder for me… teehee. No more masks from me—I’m done hiding my own worth, talent, rights, and abilities while attempting to rationalize or justify other peoples bad choices, actions, or deeds. The world and I deserve more personal and ethical responsibility from me. Just like the saying, “There’s no such thing as a free lunch”, for me I need to remember not to be giving away bits and pieces of myself and soul like free candy.

With the clock ticking, guidelines and deadlines are being set. People to continue to participate with or to cut loose are being decided. Responsibility for actions is being put back where it belongs: with the person in control of themselves… and I’ve got to learn how to act efficiently and cut people loose whether it feels comfortable or not. That choice in lifestyle, to self advocate in a way that is prudent, will let me live my life in a way that seems perpetually “full” and perfect for me.

;-)

well I didnt really set out to complete this task by ridding myself of a friend but its happened that way. I’ve realised how although they could be lovely at times, the few times they were angry at me they twist everything so that they made me feel the lowest that I’ve ever felt. Im just not prepared to have that toxicness in my life.

so: In fall 2008 I have given up a person.
and I truly believe its for the best, although I am fully aware it will cause problems between me and my bestfriend (as the friend I’ve given up is her boyfriend).

possibilities:
Lies
Anxiety
people
....I need to figure out what is holding me back. Give me a week and I will decide.

It is almost over and I’ve made no progress on this, despite being more aware of my desire to let my bad habit fall away. I’m still going to work on this, but I’m “giving up” on this goal to make room for others. I’ll come back to this, if necessary.

I ‘m also forgiving myself. I keep blaming myself for some difficult issues during this project. I am angry with myself for letting others take advanatage of me and be manipulative towards me. I keep thinking I should have changed my behavior in some way so it w ouldn’t have been so difficult. I shouldn’t havejust taken the verbal abuse from them.

I forgive myself. It’s still a process, but I’m ready to forgive and be free.

I’m going to forgive a couple for difficult people I worked with on a project. I’m recognizing that forgiveness is a process, that doesn’t happen instantly. (at least for me) There needs to be some healing.
I’d done some meditation around these folks recently and think I’m ready to say that I forgive them. I don’t need to be in relationship with either one, and one woman I am doing to just stay as far away as a I can. She’s toxic and manipulative, She’s got angermanagement issues and is just plain unhealthy in her relationship.
The other women there might be a aquaintance level relationship that I’d be comforable with.