have a better relationship with God

The reason our relationship has come to so much of a halt now is because I’ve been trying to do this alone and have failed. Then I stopped trying at all. So now I am going to seek out God and a christian family.

I’ve been too lost for a long time now.

I may say I’m a christian, but I definitely do not act like one.

I break my God’s heart too many times now.

I believe that I need to truly help others unconditionally and to help make this world a better place for my grandchildren. BUT I have to stop drinking-period.

I have talked to my local college reverend and also to an older brother in church..and they both say to establish a relationship with God, it is important to first set some small condition that is consistent: prayer, reading God’s words everyday for some time. And most importantly to ‘Think of God’. For them, this is very important, for in this way we live every moment with God. We think how God would think in that situation. I was explaining to my parents today how I need spiritual support. I wanted them to help me grow in my relationship with God, so I can freely think of God, have him in my heart as I do my daily things, and stop myself from hurting others and myself because I’m afraid to hurt Him.

My parents’ response was that is the ideal relationship, but a relationship with God isn’t just that. When we do something good for others, God is working through me. When we want to be a better daughter, spouse or mother, that is a relaitonship with God. It’s not that you have a amazing relationsihp with God then you can be the things you strive to be, like a loving wife. It is because you want to be a loving wife that you find the strength to do so in God.

I also realized that my fallen natures like overeating, being overly flirty, being disrespectful to my parents, cursing, being self centered, really really disturb me. In college now, they are coming out more than ever. But it is a necessary process. I just have to not develop more fallen natures and concentrate on overcoming them. They are affecting me in a big way, in my relationship with my parnets and God, because there is a contradiciton in me, that I don’t want to be this way but i am. So I aim to be more mindful of my actions to overcome my fallen natures in order to go back to God.

Church was great today. A family from church gave the sermon. A little unconventional, but was so refreshing. They had 5 girls. The main subject was how did you feel God this week. Their daughters each had different things they read about, from kittens, to dance class, to cooking with their dad. It was so nice. I need to develop the emotional part of my spirit self and just be a child to God again. Let the small and silly things help me see God is in my life.

So i’m starting anew. I’m sick of being arrogant towards God in my life. Cursing at things that go wrong without seeing how God may be teaching me. I don’t want to go to bed every night knowing I didn’t think of God once.

Now I need to make effort, this relationship isn’t going to jumpstart on its own.

I already read together with my family for 20 minutes before everyone rushes to school/work. I will wake up earlier for this session, pray and prepare my heart so I’m not half asleep. Then I will do a 20 minute reading of Father’s words before I go to sleep. I want to meditate on these words for another 10 minutes, trying to connect to a part of God’s heart, even though it is just a fraction. I think this will further develop my emotional part of my spirit self and help me think of God the next day. So this is my goal for this week!!

Right now i feel really down but the funny thing is that i know espite what i may be feeling inside,God is right here by my side.When my relationship with my boyfriend broke up,i felt down i pitied myself and even thought about moving to a new country,but why runs from my problems instead of facing them?????/
What im trying to say is i have learnt that when we give our cares to God He hears us and His promises are yeah and Amen,it may seem hard at first but throught the last 6 months of separation He Has been the one who Has seen me through the deepest nights ….........

I don’t read my Bible enough… much… hardly at all