stop fighting with my girlfriend

We wont stop fighting!!!

Had to re-set some clear boundaries again. I can’t get disrespected forever. It did set up some interesting aftermath though. You have to let the stuff that doesn’t matter slide, but the stuff that DOES matter still matters. Great experiment overall. Changed my habits for good. I’ll be keeping the “When discussing stuff, don’t make interpretations of her motives, personality, or influences.” for sure. A DEFINITE WINNER.

Hey this stuff works. What the hell? 19 days and no fights. She gets moody, I just state my case plainly, and let it roll off. And I’m way less stressed out too. Look at me, Mr. Easygoing and sh$#.

So far so good. Rule 1, “Don’t interpret or infer” is working out much better than I had hoped. I’ve already figured out why they say “it takes two to argue”. We had a great weekend, but didn’t spend a whole lot of it together. I was really productive though.

Start a new 30 day trial I won’t get fight with my girlfriend. This includes even boundary setting and enforcement, which has been a big no-no for me since I don’t believe in letting people take advantage of you. To paraphrase Stephane, “You only have to deal with undesirable behavior because you’ve trained her to think that’s it’s okay for her to treat you that way”. Well, I’m going to put that on the shelf. Enforcing my boundaries is still rooted in fear, and it’s interesting that even with all of my work in this area, I’m still not getting it. In negotiation, sales, and pickup they have this tenet… you must be willing to walk away from the deal. Only when I’ve rid myself of the fear of losing her, can she truly accept me for who I am. It’s been a fun 5 years playing house. Now that it’s getting time to get married it’s time to get this stuff right.

Guidelines
- When discussing stuff, don’t make interpretations of her motives, personality, or influences. This will keep personal judgement out of the mix.
- When answering questions, answer honestly. Think first, use tact… but don’t spin it or omit data. This will keep authentic self closer to the surface, so as to encourage total disclosure.
- Nothing can be perfect. So we don’t have to be either. I don’t believe in settling for less, but lowering an unreachable standard to just below unreachable will have a far more practical influence on our relationship, I think.

“You had to give it to him: he had a plan. And it started to make sense, in a Tyler sort of way. No fear. No distractions. The ability to let that which does not matter truly slide.” – Narrator, Fight Club

It is impossible to agree with anyone all of the time. If I call any time I disagree with someone a fight, I will never stop fighting. So, yeah, I’ve found an impossible goal, or one that is actually other goals that I already have listed. I can change myself and my interactions in different ways and experience new goals accomplished, blah blah blah I give up, but not on anything else.