Appreciate and nurture the relationships than enrich my life beyond words and spend less time contemplating those that are unlikely to ever change

But I think I’ve made real progress. I believe that I’m more aware of the nature of my relationships: which ones actually enrich my life and which ones are more of a drain than anything else.

A playdate that is….

I am babysitting for my friend tonight…her daughter is 4 years old…I have known her since she was a few days old :0)

We will eat quesadillas and play Cinderella.

In less than two days I was back in touch with my friends from high school, it’s amazing to learn how their lives have blossomed, some have kids, a lot moved overseas, despite the age upon our shoulders as I write them and read their posts I couldn’t stop thinking of them as if I just hadn’t seen them since yesterday, even chuckling at the last joke we shared before we take our own separate ways.

... into Appreciate and nurture the relationships that enrich my life and find out what I’m supposed to be learning from those that stay seemingly stuck

I’m realizing that the wording of this goal doesn’t fit with what I’m doing right now with going over relationships “stucknesses”. The relationships that are unlikely to ever change are those where I’m unwilling to change… Which doesn’t mean the other person would necessarily change if I did, but I wouldn’t feel the need to contemplate the stuckness, or rather obsess on how they are wrong and I’m right. With changes within me there is a possibility for flow and release and an openness to change in the other. Actually what I am doing right now is the opposite of my stated goal. I am contemplating the stuck relationships, in order to see where I am stuck.

I am sure that this will be an “up-and-down” sort of things: sometimes I will feel like I am doing this successfully and sometimes I won’t. Still, at the moment, I am focused on the relationships that enrich my life, are healthy, and so on. I’ve also spent a lot less time lately worrying about those that aren’t healthy or are not likely to change. I’ve let go of the grief and pain of losing friends who have chosen to drift out of my life and shifted my focus to relationships that are more stable and deeper. Yay!

It seems that I’ve been sadly mistaken in my belief that my stepfather loves me and has treated me like his second daughter. He has exposed his true feelings over the course of the past year or so (and even in the past, now that I’m looking back at things). I trusted him, believed in him, and loved him and come to find out, he is coming between me and my mother, and my mother and my children.

I’ve decided that I really need to emphasize my relationship with my mother and nuture that now more than ever…and I need to let go of whatever I thought I had with my stepfather. He is married to my mother, and I’ll be civil, but I don’t think our relationship will ever be the same. And you know, I need to let it go if that’s the case. I don’t need to obsess over it or even stress myself over it. If he hasn’t changed his mind in the 20+ years I’ve known him, then he isn’t going to do so now.

And I need to really return some of my focus to our relationship. Why should I neglect this important friendship for others who have no loyalty or, apparently, respect or appreciation for me? I’ve got to let go of those who are not there for me and really nurture this relationship that means more to me than words can say. [The neglect has sprung from parenthood more than other friendships, I’m afraid – but I’ve got to find some balance. Surely I can nurture my relationship with my husband and those with my children!]

And I know that I appreciate her more and more these days. We had some rough moments in my adolescence and early adulthood. Now that I am a mother, things have changed a bit. Also, she and I have realized that we have more in common than we realized; she and I have been going through depressions. I’m currently beginning to realize that that is what is wrong with me, and she’s been through it over the past few years. We’re starting to talk about our experiences, and she has been a great help and source of encouragement. I think this is going to take our relationship to a different level. I’m leaning on her a bit right now, more than I have in years, and I believe that she has missed me “needing” her more than she’s admitted. Had I realized it, I would have asked for her advice more often. I suppose I never realized how much she would appreciate it. I know that she’s proud of me being independent, but now I realize that she would have enjoyed being asked for opinions or advice from time to time. (Amazing how long it takes some people to realize pretty basic things, isn’t it?)

I’ve been so caught up in my own situation lately that I really haven’t stayed in touch with those closest to me like I should. I’m thinking I might start sending out a family email to those closest to me weekly, updating them on what is going on and checking in to see what is happening with them. Maybe it won’t be a group one though, we’ll see. I’d call but money is tight right now. We’ll see how this one works out. Actually, I’m sure when I send the email my family will call me. They don’t generally respond to emails with emails; they call instead. :P