de-stress

I’m morbidly curious to find out what happens when I finally implode.

I relieve the pressure by exclaiming loudly, and shouting back at my boss from time to time. There has got to be a better way. He obviously doesn’t want to provoke the meltdown that I’m insanely drawn to.

If I could stop freezing up in indecision between bouts of doing everything at once, I might get everything on track at least, or failing that derail my brain.

So there’s a hot tub in the apartment I’m renting. I go there to blow off steam, then I go for a swim.

I don’t know if it’s helping, but I feel better :)

tra la la la la la la! I find the Christmas/New Year holidays soooooooooo stressful! It begins with my wife (who is convinced she is running ‘Santa’s Grotto from our house!) going waaaay overboard, earlier every year. Unfortunately this involves me in no small way, I know I am going to sound like a real ‘grouch’ here but honestly I love , or used to love, Christmas as much as everyone else. There must be at least 10 boxes of Christmas ‘stuff’ which is packed in to the back of one of our stores/sheds, this is always carefully sorted out every year so that we /I dont have to trawl through mountains of other ‘stuff’ to get to it every December. But as the months go past the Christmas ‘stuff’ gets pushed further and further to the back of the store and it means that I have to dig it all out every year. Then the Christmas lights have to go up, outlining the house, it always takes forever to put up and sure as hell there will be dozens of bulbs which need replacing! Then there is the annual battle of the Christmas tree, my wife always wants one at least 3’ bigger than we need, which means that I have to saw 3’ off the bottom of whichever tree she brings home.
Amongst all this festive fun, it is a busy time at work, one of the busiest times of the year. We always give everyone the day off on Christmas Day and also New Years Day and do all the work ourselves. All this and having a Christmas Eve party, Christmas Day lunch and the same at New Year, Party and lunch the next day, I usually have to stay sober and go and collect my mother-in-law and then my mother from the opposite direction, then drive them home again after! I just find it all very stressful and would love a quiet Christmas one year!

I’ve finally chosen to do things for myself. Change things when I can and let things go if I can’t. I enjoy my job.. I’m not stressed out trying to figure out what people are thinking.. I’m okay with being alone and I cherish the moments with friends as I’ve gotten rid of relationships and friendships that were not helpful and actually a bit toxic. WOO

...particularly stressed out today! I didnt sleep well last night, which didnt help and I have been o/d’ing on coffee (which I know I’m trying to give up!)There are one or two things which havent run as smoothly, business wise as they should have today , which means that this weekend is going to be just ‘crazy!’ The ‘phone won’t stop ringing…I’m short staffed this weekend, girls calling out sick arrgghhhh!People arriving with silly (sorry, I do mean relevant) questions…I have a ‘to do’ list which hasnt been looked at yet! To ‘top’ this all, I’m ‘head cook & bottle-washer’ at home…as my wife is having some ‘retail therapy’ in Boston!! I wish it was me!!!

I have not been to the spa in a few month, but tomorrow is my My boyfriend and I’s 7 year anniversary. and we both have been working so hard lately. and I have been trying not to let my mother get under my skin and friendship issues cloud my mind… Its hard for me to not stress about anything and just say “lets go!” but thats what i need to learn to do more often when it comes to taking time out for myself. I have also been meditation a few times a week (still not as much as i should be) and getting back in to yoga so… i think Im doing alright.

...How long has it been since you had a lazy Sunday in bed? Read the papers , doze off when you want to…roll over pepper her tummy with babykisses and well you can imagine the rest…shower, grab a bite to eat and just chill out…it’s been a long time! My Sunday consists of up at 4.00am,as I am awake and havent slept well anyway! Work at 7.00am….and work work work…it would be nice to have a lazy Sunday…yep, real nice.

...So! I have had a glass or two of a favourite tipple! I’m quite mellow….this has to be what ‘stress free’ is all about…? Maybe?....

Ooooooo I wish I could chill out..I need to! There just has to be an easy way to do this.

Those words are so true. Fearing life is worse than facing it! So I’m enjoying each moment as it comes and as I can deal with it: horrible or good- it doesn’t matter. Life happens, and we live.