stop doing this.

It’s so weird. I’ve always hated them.
But I really like them now.

Checkmark.

It’s so fricking addicting!

I can’t keep off of it! It’s a dangerous thing!

But it’s sooo fun and interesting, plus I met a lot of neat people.

I still love you 43Things and I am still working on goals!

I want to stop having nightmares.

I just woke up from another one, and it’s a re-occuring one.
This was the fourth time in the past week and a half I had this dream.

It’s Freddy Kreuger (however you spell it), and he’s locking people in buildings and rooms and walks really slow, but the person/people are running, and he’s trying to kill them.

Last night, I was in some city at outside on a sidewalk at the bottom of what I thought was the World Trade Center.
I was looking at the glass door, the front door (almost the whole bottom of the building was glass, don’t know how to explain it), and a man tried to get in but it was locked.
He kept trying and trying, and other people tried, and they started to get mad.
Then one of the two women who was working in the building downstairs (they were both wearing scrubs) went over from the inside of the building and tried to open the door.
It wouldn’t open.

Then it switched and the ladies were running away from Freddy Kreuger on the upstairs floor.
One of the ladies ran by another lady.
One of them had pushed her back against a wall trying to hide or something, asked something like “is he scary?!”
And the lady who ran by her said “if you think (someone) was bad, he’s worse!!”
Something like that.

Anyway, the dream I had about him three nights ago, it was a short three-second clip.
He was holding a man down on a sofa (I could only see from their chests up) on their backs by the man’s neck.
He had a huge knife to his neck.
The sofa was a light brown and looked almost exactly like the one we had in the gameroom upstairs at the Hackberry house.

I always have nightmares and they scare me, and I want them to stop.
I hate them.
And I don’t like Freddy Kreuger.
I’ve never even seen one of his movies before.

I have to stop missing him.

: (...

I remember the first month feeling like a year.

This is not good.

Ehh, friends come and go… but only a few will have a dramatic effect on you for the rest on your life.

I want to stop doing these things!
They drive me up the wall.

Odds and evens

Almost everything I do with the left side of my body has to be an odd number of times, and almost everything I do with the right side of my body has to be an even number of times.

The biggest obstacles I face with this issue are chewing, brushing my teeth, and typing.

I’ve had this problem since I can remember and nobody gets it or thinks that it is real.

Utinsels

Unless I have personally used and washed the utinsel from start to finish, I always have to spit on it (fork, spoon, or knife) just a little bit and wipe it on my clothes.

It’s hard doing this when I’m over other people’s houses or at restaurants.
I don’t.

I automatically think that I’m eating thousands of germs and will probably get some kind of disease that a simple vaccine can’t cure.

Small, uneven holes

I have a great fear of small, uneven holes.

I have to look away and will sometimes run or walk away very quickly.
(much like this thing)

I think something will come out of them and harm me, sometimes kill me, depending on the size, look, color, or where the holes are.

The sight of the holes will bother me for a long time.

Pushing fingers

I have to keep pushing or pressing the tips of my fingers on a surface until it feels right.
Even if I have to do it a hundred times.

Touching food

When I have a plate of food, no matter what it is, the food must not, cannot touch.
If it does and I can see the residue of one food on the other, I will eat around the “contaminated” part.

Brown fries

I used to (not any more) have a fear of eating the brown part of french fries (the skin).

Twizzlers

Twizzlers are my favourite food.
I will probably die eating a Twizzler.

I can only eat Twizzlers in one way, each the same way.
First I eat the tip of one end, then the tip of the other.

After I eat the tip of the other, I have to suck until I can feel air, like a straw.
If no air comes out, I will keep biting in small fragments until I can suck air.

Then, I can consume the rest of the Twizzler normally.

Cursor

While watching a movie or clip online, the cursor h-a-s to be in the bottom right hand corner, and I have to not be able to see any part of the cursor.

One time my ex-roommate was showing me a clip on YouTube, and the cursor was sitting in the middle of the viewing screen.
It was a music video, and the entire time my eyes were fixated on that cursor.
My muscles tightened and I wanted to leave the room so fast.

I can not explain how happy I am to have found this website:
i am neurotic.

I want to figure out why we do these things and why we are looked at differently and feel like we can’t continue with our daily lives sometimes.

: (

But it is still most definatly a work in progress.

For the moment anyway.

I think being on mood stabilizers is helping, or it could just be something to do with me being in a different stage of my mood cycle… quite possibly both.

I’m just hoping that I don’t revert back to my old ways, as my stopping “this” doesn’t really have anything to do with me gaining control over the matter in question, but more to do with the fact that I no longer feel the need to do “it” anymore.

I don’t want to stop, but I know I need to stop.

I’m still determined though. I have an idea of the factors that cause or contribute to me to do this “thing”. Now, I either need to eliminate them from my life completely, or be able to handle them better.

I’m generally quite open about things here on 43T, but this is something I don’t really feel comfortable talking about, so I’m keeping it a secret for now.

But yeah, I do kinda need to stop doing this thing I do…