I know it’s stupid. I know it’s totally and utterly stupid. But it’s just something I can’t get over.
I’ve never liked telephones anyway. I think it’s because we never had a telephone when I was really young.. I was about 7 when our house first got a telephone. As I grew up, I would never answer the phone. At first, that wasn’t a problem.. I wasn’t in the house on my own, phonecalls were rarely, if ever, for me. But as I grew into my teens.. it started being a problem.
Thing is, I got over that bit. Answering the phone, at home at least, was no big deal. But that’s about as far as I’ve ever gotten with this stupid irrational fear of phones.
I rarely answer my mobile if it’s a number I don’t recognise. I won’t answer the phone at work. And I definately won’t ever phone out to anybody I haven’t phoned before. I mean, I’ll phone my parents mobiles, and my home phone, and one of my mates house phones. I’ll phone my boyfriend’s mobile, I’ll phone a couple of close friends mobiles. And that’s where it stops.
Until now, it had never been a problem. I could text, or email, or arrange for people to call me. But now it’s a problem. Since my boyfriend lost his mobile, I can’t call him. It all came to a head the other day. I had been asked by a mutual friend to call him and let him know we were all going to the pub. I immediately said ‘yeah, sure’, thinking I could phone his mobile. Then as I hung up, I realised I couldn’t.
I sat on my bed for about 20mins, phone in hand. And I was shaking. I input his home phone number, and sat there. My heart was racing. Shortness of breath. Shaking. Panicking about phoning my own boyfriend’s house.
It’s not as if we’ve only been together a couple of weeks. Oh no. 9 months we’ve been together. I’ve met his parents and his sister loads of time, and it would only be one of the four who would answer the phone. I tried to tell myself that and run through various conversation possibilities in my head with each person. I took deep breaths. I put in the number again and pressed call. I immediately pressed cancel. I just couldn’t do it. I was almost in tears, I was panicking that much.
I didn’t call. I pretended that I’d fallen asleed as soon as I’d got home from work. It was a lame shot, but I just couldn’t phone.
And it’s not just my boyfriend. I shake at the thought of phoning anyone other than those mentioned. I won’t phone helplines. I won’t phone offices. I won’t phone anybody, unless it’s absolutely necessary. And I need to get over it.
Ironically, I found a website claiming they can cure ‘telephonophobia’ and all I had to do was.. you guessed it.. call such and such a number. Great scheme, there.
So yeah. That’s the long and boring story. I need to get over this. I just have no idea how. 6 years ago