Live Enchantedly

To excel is to continually perform..not for a moment or moments, nor for a day or days but DAY after DAY, MONTH after MONTH and make that uncommon performance look commonplace.

To excel is to take the inner drive of competition and not only to embrace it but MASTER it. It is no wonder then that when one truly excels, one is known for excellence. It can’t be taught or legislated or willed into existence. It must come from the very DEPTHS of an individual’s desire to be the BEST.

My mom used to be a tarot reader. When I was in college, she would read my cards every now and then. My friends would even go to my boarding house to ask for a reading from my mama. That time, I didn’t take it seriously..her readings and her hobby.

Until lately, I read Brida (one of Coelho’s) and discovered the essence of a tarot card.

I was bewitched and so I went home and asked mama if I could practice tarot reading. She smiled but didn’t ask many questions. Instead, she taught me how to do it and gave me her blessing.

These days, I’m in demand with my classmates haha.

Tarot reading is a simple hobby that makes life an enchantment.

_{enjoying life with my special people;-)}

I love the song “Mystery Girl” that Ray Orbison sings.
I recently found out that Bono of U2 wrote that song.
I watched a video on UTube of Bono,
talking about how he wrote this song after listening
to a “David Lynch soundtrack for Blue Velvet” and
was thinking of Roy Orbison, and oddly enough
Roy appeared at his door that day!!! I have to tell
you I have always LOVED this song, and identify
with it. And I have met David Lynch, and recently
met Chris Isaak who has a connection with David
and Roy Orbison as well.

Well, I don’t know if I’ve met this goal just yet. It seems my life is mundane, except for the occasional moments I stop and relish the beauty of nature, or listen to some really great music. Does that qualify as living enchantedly?

I never do things small. Either I do it big or not at all. There’s no shallow end in my pool. I circle around the perimeter, gathering all the informaton that I can and then, when I have all that I need, I dive into the deep end. No lifesaver, nothing. Just me. I like that I immerse myself into everything that I choose to do, and it also scares the jeepers out of me. I dove in last night by reconnecting with two friends that I purposely lost touch with. I feel strong and happy that I did it. Tomorrow I will dive even deeper.

It’s been pointed out to me that I tend to walk away when relationships get stormy. My friend, J., has been encouraging me to challenge myself and work through the inevitable difficult times in relationships. I see this avoidence tendency in myself, but I haven’t truly dedicated myself to facing it.

It now seems the Universe is getting impatient with me, and threw a brick at my hard head to get me to learn to work through the tough times. I see this in the way my ex-employer refuses to let me resign from the freelance project. It’s as if he keeps trying to find ways to work out this ruptured relationship. At least this is how I’m choosing to view this awful situation – it’s a learning opportunity for me to work through all the unease I have with facing issues throughout a relationship. I can use this to experiment and feel what it’s like to stay with it and heal.

I feel magical right now, like my spirit is tingling. What a contrast from yesterday, where I was raging against the world. Allowing myself to vent last night and recognizing that we all do it got me to my current state of enchantment. I feel like I can make anything happen. It also helped that, this morning, I emailed the person who angered me and told him straight up what was bothering me. He responded with a goonball answer, and that was okay because it showed me who he really is and it gave me the push to resign from this project. Hence my state of happy. Thank you to this person for pushing and pushing me to learn this lesson of: knowing that it’s okay to walk away.

I try hard to be grateful for the glitter that’s everywhere when I look around my life. But sometimes I just want to fucking rip down the walls, kick over the door and scream at the top of my lungs, “I don’t give a fuck!” I did this today by letting white rage take over me. It didn’t feel good or even cathartic, only lunacy. This rarely happens to me[being overcome by raging emotion], and I didn’t realize how angry I was until I got home where it hit me like a sudden hurricane. I yelled, I slammed the door way too hard, and yelled more. I do recognize that this happens and I’m human.

Being back in my former work environment was a bad, necessary lesson. I learned that getting myself worked up before even setting foot in the office is bad. I learned that people who don’t care about others should be avoided all the times – they’re truly vexations to the spirit. I learned that my perceptions of everything is not always the right. There is good in the world.

There’s an effusive quality to being a part of life; to be fully alive when each moment stands singularly against the sky, when each person is a story, and each oddly pulled up sock has meaning. When there are no judgements, and the criticisms and comparisons cease, there are only stories. Stories that we tell each other in silence. Do you hear me? Our shoes tell of the heartaches we surmounted to become someone that matters, the cut of our hair whispers the secrets we hide but wished someone understood. We are each an open secret waiting for the right key. Do you hear me?

Do you?