reflect

yesterday I touched a dead woman
I cleaned her stiff parts with a warm rag
I even re-warmed the rag and asked my self why I did, and then did it again even hotter
I couldnt get her eyes off me
I didnt cry
I never told anyones son their mom was dead before
that was a first as well
ofcourse I was much more tactful in conversation
Its much more appropriate to say “shes passed”
I couldnt even say that, I said she’s not here anymore
What?
Shes not here anymore
Who says that
me
I have never touched someone that has left before

Im am so drained at the end of a work day that I came in an hour extra for, and then only to wait an extra 45 minutes for my relief to come in and complain and be rude and on the defense. THATS A HOT MESS! nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Its unacceptable. Learn to treat others with more respect. okay any females that participate in drama should stop…..Im not interested.

I think the reality now is that its all worth the pain of seeing death, hatred, and the unjust world-knowing we can rise above it and live the good life.
Reaching to improve.
Struggling to give our all.
Craving something different than what media can provide.
Assuming the best in people until proven without a reasonable doubt otherwise.
Decreasing anxiety.
Forgetting the little things that offend us. Running fiercly from pride.
Loving with Gods love.
Choosing to ignore those who said we can’t make it because we’re gullable and stupid for believing in truth.
Proving goodness exist and spreading the knowledge that there is a better way and a reward in exposing the deepest part of your heart to those who need it most without admitting that they are empty and starving for a thoughtful freedom from a friend that offers without a motive….there’s a better way by giving not lending…...dream so big that it would be impossible to make that dream come true….use love as an incentive and God will replenish your desire to enjoy his blessings and all those big dreams and visions of a just world wll come true-and it is all with thanks to God, it won’t be all you….

I remember back in early 1985 when I met my wife to be. We were walking with a group of workmates to the movies after work and we got talking… As we walked & talked I still remember the exact moment when I thought to myself that I could spend the rest of my life with this person.

We got engaged 6 weeks after we met and married the following year in 1986. I was 19 & my wife was 18. It seems so young now, but we knew it all back then.

After our honeymoon around New Zealand we lived at her grandparents house for a few weeks until we moved into our first home.

2 years later, we had our first (of 4) children.

Caring
Nurturing
Angels

Who are these angels taking the hands of the lonely, sick, and lost?
Who are these women giving their heart, their time, and their name?
Who are the ones that come early and leave late?
Who are they that wash, feed, comfort, and keep the patients safe?

They say “only a CNA“?
To me and the ones that can see
You are the champions that make this building a home
You are ladies that are the forerunners that change the world

Even when the road is hard, and no one pats you on the back but yourself and God
Know that the gifts you give don’t go forgotten to the sick
I could only hope when I’m old and my mind is gone that someone like you is around to make my heart warm
You help these beauties make it through the storm

CNAs are the hand to hold when the broken are crying
A smart thoughtful teacher when teaching is needed

Your hands and feet do so much, people stand back in awe of your speed

Who knows everything about the people they love each day?
The radiant, helpful, strong, patience filled CNA

that day filled with enormous trials, errors, faces, death, deceiving ideas and many deep breaths

the dark falls with the moon in place reinforcing the lack of time, the need of truth, and the hope for tomorrow

i look back only to see that perhaps that day wasnt so big afterall, those moments not so crucial, and that feeling of being a single overwhelmed person was simply a girl who needed to be a woman

i was caught in a trap formed like a net believing that my shoulders should carry more, instead of elegantly surviving and leaning on a creator, i was being ignorant and drowning in the sheer idea of water

the morning came, a rose appeared, a best friend showed his heart, and today i overcame yesterday because of a morning gift

the ability to live today with a brand new start has shown its beautiful path in a world that looked so bleak, a new date encorporated a way to hide the hurtfull monster tracks

gleaming with sunshine the morning sky makes everything new, i grew a little more today than the girl of the past hours gone by

i woke up with a pep in my step and to the clouds of that rainy day i say a final fairwell and goodbye

When I reflect on last year…
- I loved India & look forward to returning one day.
- I enjoyed graduating & receiving my post-grad diploma. I look forward to studying again.
- It took me the whole year to come to terms with my outrageous sales targets. I have learnt to take responsibility for my own targets.
- The family dynamics are changing. I need to continuing encouraging those I love, while living my own life as those around me flourish & grow.
- I only get 1 chance at this life & I want to make sure I really live it!

it seems like I reflect every day many times throughout the day. I used to let myself get busy and go for weeks without reflecting, but it led to depression, and then it would take a megalith of reflection just to claw my way out of the pit of despair (sounds pretty miserable! It was!). Walking in the park (there is one near my house) is one of my best methods of reflection.

Still find now that if I don’t get enough alone time for a week, I can begin to feel it—the pit starts to loom.

43things is a good place for reflecting out “loud”.

marks one year since i stumbled upon 43things…

this morning i thought to myself, the last year would have been quite tough if it weren’t for my 43er friends. so many things in my life had changed. with all of the changes i couldn’t always depend on my real life friends, either because they weren’t physically there or because they didn’t understand some of the things that were happening in my life.

i am humbly thankful to all of you for your kind words, hugs, advice, laughter and general being-there-ness.

much love,
bookishindiangirl

I want to stop and reflect about how lucky I am, how beautiful life is, how blessed I am to be surrounded by people that love and are loved.