How wrong I was. Turns out she was a total **. Shocking. 5 months ago
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sooo lets see how i feel about this in the future..
but a rumbling.. i realized sth yesterday.. about someone who is soo distant and hash to me which i do not know why and she is so catty. anyway if i was a normal person i would just be distant but i do not.. i developed this thing that i can not poitn fingers or get long time angry to anyone.. (ME, i can not belive it!). i analyse and find excuse for peoples behaviour in a way accepting their weaknesses reasons, seeing from their shoes thing.. sounds weird , am i becoming an elevated person or just weak i dunno.
anyway distracting again.. so this person i realized all the time has been posting thing i have sent, said to her blog.. like she was a mirror of me.. well was i inspiring her all the time..
and also there is this big big extrovert guy who does things.. and i was amazed with what he was doing and contacted him years agothat i would like to do a project.. and told about that my dream about h.spaces. and then i told him about what a h.space is.. and then years later he broadcasted a letter to the audiance , like a summary of who they are and stuff and was saying that his dream about buildig a h.space might also becoming true which he had on since 2009(?). ahaa.. so i put an inspiration seed on this (i do not know creative) but innovative guy.
wtf..can i be inspiring people even if i am suffocating myself and feel like a total loser. i know that there is probably (?!?) an alteration of how i view myself and how others perceive but gathering up this data yesterday put a seed in my head as well.
note that i am not judging this people for representing my ideas as theirs(my subconcious human self do a bit)because if i had the fuel and motivation i would and it is my fault that i do not, but they do. 21 months ago
I decided that might be me aging up. and the way i do it when i was younger or the need to get input fro people is not here.. or it might depend on phase you are in. i know now that i have things to decide and changein my life and i am all focused in this.. i do not feel to talk about or get help.. cause i think this is only me who needs to think and decide what i want. i see it a waste of time to talk about it now.. or a kind whining.
the thing is i do not feel to socialize too . sometimes whenever there is a good music i find frinds to go with.. but i am not looking for inspiration.. that might not be the optimum solution but i would say this is a time to cocoon and sort out the things on your basket, shape them and once a track is started, colour it with inspiration.. right now I am on the eve of changing the track..
hmmm just may be i have no time because i work like a maniac at work :(.. why it is always busy for me.. distracting? time to end 23 months ago