I can take this off the list
1 year ago
...because we did these things without formally approaching them. With open hearts and communication, these things happened. And we are repairing our world….
Entries
Untitled
2 years ago
I am learning about this progressive method of separation called “Controlled Separation.” It is basically a contract you agree to with your partner, in order to slow down, make boundaries, and work some stuff out.
The twelve principles outlined in the book “Should I Stay Or Go – How Controlled Separation Can Save Your Marriage,” are simple:
1 Have an agreed upon time limit, not less than a month, and not more than six months.
2. Each partner may get legal advice, but they both agree not to take any divorce or other legal “action” during that period.
3. They agree in advance as to which partner will stay in their home and who will move out, again for their agree time period.
4. Home furnishings are distributed as fairly as possible between the two separate living arrangements being set up, with consideration for children’s furnishing needs as well.
5. Financial terms are negotiated to be just and fair to the situation.
6. The welfare of any children is primary. Both parents maintain active parenting, even though the parenting may be done separately, at times.
7. Couples mutually agree whether, and when, they will see each other, and whether just for information purposes or for social dating.
8. The issue of dating others is spelled out clearly, and accepted by both. No surprises.
9. Confidentiality of communication between the couple is important. They need to be clear on what is shared and is not shared, with others, particularly relatives and family.
10. The couple agrees on working as a team on specific issues, both re themselves and their relationship, and to do any homework that a mediator or counselor recommends.
11. The terms of the “controlled separation” agreement are in writing, and both parties discuss and understand the meaning and intent of the terms, prior to each signing it.
12. There is provision for renegotiation within the “controlled separation” contract, but both parties must agree to open renegotiations.
