Do scary things

Trusting someone is scary. I dislike feeling not in control. I dislike feeling any vulnerability. I dislike questioning my judgement and the motives and honesty of others. The only other choice tho is isolation.

Yep a river in florida known for its alligator population. Lots of em. Scaarry…just keep paddling, just keep paddling….

I can successfully check off #4…I’ve become more spiritually open and even started reading other spiritual/religious literature and occasionally attending new types of services.

The others…well, baby steps.

Current scary things I am doing….

1) Getting a divorce…yeah scary but i cant wait till its over and i am able to move on to a better life and a guy who actually deserves me

2) finding a part time job….yeah I have a day job but i want to be a bartender part time for xtra cah and extra fun.

Two months ago, I had a conversation with my uncle, who is currently fighting off cancer. We talked about fear and how it prevents us from participating in life. He told me how his fears drive him to take steps to overcome them; for example, he’s terrified of the ocean and yet spends a great deal of time in it, all for the sake of facing and conquering his fear. That conversation has really caused me to see how much I allow fear to close me off to certain experiences, and I’m determined to follow his example.

I’m consolidating my list a little bit, because a few of my goals fall under the category of “scary things”...so here is my official scary things list, which I’m sure will stretch and shrink with time.

1) Ride a rollercoaster (few things terrify me more than rollercoasters)
2) Take an improv class
3) Audition for gigs
4) Accept that I’m probably not going back to Christianity and be open to other religious or spiritual experiences
5) Travel alone. Maybe even take a year off.
6) Dance naked in the rain

I am afraid of fire and I have issues being naked (outside and around randoms lol) so this would be an ultimate test of feeling the fear and doing it anyways…

I want to dance!!! Really dance. I am sitting here watching Dancing With The Stars and I want to do this! I want to do a dance competition or something similar!!!

Did a cruise around the Bay Of Islands. I am not normally a boat person but I LOVED it.

AND I enjoyed it. I even admitted to four 7 year old girls that I couldn’t swim well and that I was a little scared of the water. It was the first time that I had been in the pool at my place and I know know that I will go swimming regularly from now on.

I am dating again. A man asked me if he could fly me down to Rotorua. I said YES. OMG being flown in a tiny plane with a man I didn’t know. THAT would be scary. However the rain came so we couldn’t go. We went to the beach instead AND I swam!!!!
That was a scary thing. I am soooo proud!