Stop Drinking Alcohol

Weds night at friends gathering i had 3 large white wine spritzers. Was deffo tipsy but didn’t feel too bad the next day. Definitely not 100% though.

Thursday had one galss red wine with dinner. Waiter brought bottle over and topped me up while i tried to say no but ended up saying ok just half then. He had the cheeck to charge me for 2 full glasses. I was livid. I didn’t even ask for another glass. I guess some would call it good service. I call it the hard sell. He said well, you did you drink it. I reminded him that i said HALF GLASS ONLY. I didn’t even want it. If offered another drink there or anywhere else again, I will COVER my glass and look the waiter in the eye whilst saying NO THANKS.

Fri night I had 2 glasses of wine and 1 beer at bar after work. Almost cancelled but couldn’t find my phone on way home. Glad i didn’t as it was very sociable. I smoked 2 fags too. Was buzzing after first glass and first ciggie. Managed to switch to sodas for the meal afterwards. Some progress i guess.

Sunday: 1 glass white wine with lunch. Delicious. Later that evening at poker game. 2 white wine spritzers. Almost had more and suggested going to bar. I need to be careful. As i read this i see that a moderate week is still a lot for me.

No running this past week due in part to being back on booze.

Aims for this week: No booze except on Fri/Sat night 1-2 glasses only.

So far so good. It’s been pretty easy really as i haven’t been around anyone drinking alcohol and am thinking more and more about trying for a baby which kinda turns me off it. Had a virgin daquiri last night at dinner. Was yummy even without alcohol. I was tired today. Just drank 3 glasses of water and fixed myself a caramel milkshake as i have a headache today. Could it be the results of detox? Maybe. Then again maybe its just a headache. Gotta BBQ this Sat. Will have to plan some creative alternatives to sickening sodas…

For:
Can’t seem to stop at one
Cost
Trying for Baby
Leads to smoking
HANGOVERS :cO
Remorse
Skin/liver/backside
Drink driving accidents
Great mocktails
More energy for music making, work & hobbies

Against:
Feeling pumped after 1-2 drinks
Fine wine
Fear of being a social outcast/seen as self-important

No alcohol so far. Probably not going out tonight so should be pretty straightforward. Fingers x’d!

I have come to a point where I have to quit drinking. My problem is I am binger, I don’t really drink much during the week but on the weekends I go nuts. The problem is when I do binge, I don’t eat, I just drink,I am also known to be an unhappy drunk. I am married to a great lady but when I get drunk I treat here like crap(calling names, talking down,the works). I am also the kind of person that if I get to many drinks in me I can’t stop,I have tried to cut down but it’s no working. I’m good for a while but then I binge again. If I don’t stop NOW I will loose everything, most importantly my beautiful wife and my health.
So, I am sober for 3 days,and hope to make it the rest of my life.

i hate how i cant stop drinking once i start; i loose control and binge and eventually black out.. it didnt used to be this way until i started a course of anti-depressants. I took them for about six months; but since then I have lost my tolerance and react differently to drinking… Either way I hate it and want to stop.

There is a moment where the pain subsides and freedom is granted, where eacha nd every breath no longer pains and one can sit for a while in peace and laugh at the very though of oneself… I am there right now. I have just ended the bad spell which has come time and again through out this quest to deal with sobriety and place the drink down. You see there is something that gripps you more than the last bourbon and it is the fear that you are not enought this world is ot enough everything will never be enough and as the hole grows you die slowly. I never drank because it was fun… i never drank because i was an out of control partier… i partied out of control because i was scared that when the music stop that is where i would begin, this flimsy excuse for a human being so loud that you couldn’t hear her internal scream so scared that her shallow breath could only be heard in empty rooms and lonely halls. I never wanted to meet her… and i have been every day… and that fear of what i have found full and bare in the mirror has made me cry… but it lessens every day booze is foresaken for another option and all i want is that day at a time to be one day more

I am feeling the world on my shoulder my faith in my stomach and reprive to far away to touch… I am doubting the fibre f what i am made out of aswell as doubting if God will save me and this makes me scared. How can one so full of faith doubt the only thing she has consistantly believed in… I need a higher power to wade with me through these waters to pick me up when the wave crash continually over my head i nee to know that there will be rest and this constant insanity of “drink don;t drink drink don’t drink” will subside i need to know that in a weeks time i won;t be drunk and in a days time i will definately be sobre…This is my prayer that i can accept the things i cannot change change the things i can and have the wisdom to know the difference… and that i stay sobre at a day at a time…God i addmitt that this is bigger than me i admitt right now i am weak… please let me not drink…

This is scarey the amonnt time changes nothing…. 3 months afteer my last entry i went and got smashed yeah so drunk i could harld walk and so angry icould hardly speak and i began to do the same thing for the next nine months nine months of pure pain nine months of sorrow and nine onths that felt like 100 years because the crap wouldn’t stop. i look at these entries and i realise that i have had to begin all over again… it seems you recovery go back to the same play but you drinking becomes more savage…
I joined AA… i am three months sobre and the days that are wonderful are grand and the days that are bad are like i am poking my head through to the devils lair…
Let this be on my list forever i don’t want to drink
I don’t want to drink I don’t want to drink

i want to stop