I restarted writing my pages today. It was almost six months since I abandoned them. Although today I wrote as a drain for much ranting, it actually felt good to retake my pages.

There was a very weird synchronicity about them today. I don’t remember why I stopped writing them, but I do remember that I was still writing in between days about a crush I had last year. I had all these thoughts and feelings I wanted to pour into the pages. And I knew I had one last “chapter” that I wanted to write, and it’s been on my mind lingering all this time that I need to write it down —plus I already have this idea of painting a set of 7 or so pieces to finally let the whole thing go. Well, the crush is long let go, and I don’t need to write or paint to get over it; the morning pages have done their job. But I do believe I have a good piece of writing and a great idea for my paintings. The crush is over, but I’ll pursue the projects :D

Anyway, exactly today, I learned that the crush is soon to get married. It is so weird that it happened today, the same day that I retake my morning pages in which he has been a protagonist of a few. I’ll be writing my pending “chapter” this week or next, and I’ll move on with my pages, because I have done so with my life.

Over a year ago I wrote a “duet” with Kahlil Gibran….

KG: Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself

JJS: May I remember to not turn my face away. May I allow loves eyes to bore into mine, to awaken me with its bright precision.

KG: But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires… to melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody into the night….

JJS: to not allow the icy hold of fear stiffen your movements and cage your soul, allow yourself to feel the watmth surround you, it brings your peace to the surface… to cover the world with tears of pain and gratitude, of struggle and satisfaction, of labor and ease….

Delight in it all, the quilt of your dawning hour, the coverlet over your tender feet, the downy soft treasure box newly opened, waiting for a partner to reach in and see….

(And then, as often happens in morning pages… for no explicable reason… I stopped.)

And I know I will never stop my morning pages practice… it is too rich, so I will mark this one DONE and CONTINUING to create more space for this new year’s stuff to tumble forth.

and people are writing the most heartfelt responses to the pain I expressed there.

I wasn’t even thinking about how people would respond to it. Wow. Words are so powerful.

Morning pages – so powerful.

My morning pages are surprising even me with their depth and transparency this morning.

I sent some of it off to David and posted some of it to my myspace blog… and on my blog people are reading… well? I don’t know what meaning into it.

My slice-of-life is becoming… I don’t even know how to put it into words.

Interesting.

And transformative. So much so I am thinking of going out for an hour or so just to see what transpires in me.

Love the practice. I think if I keep this up for another week, I will send this over to “done and continuing” status to make space for the new stuff which is asking to be created.

But it has been going very well lately. Considering the schedule I have issued myself, this is a good thing.

Wrote today but keeping my butt in the seat while I moved my pencil proved rather challenging in more ways than one!

wrote them yesterday morning in a sports bar downtown during Sunday School hour. Love sandwiching church with a sports bar experience… (LOL) actually, the writing energy is great for me there. Lotsa noise, lotsa people, plentiful coffee… just call me Hemingway…

I was so excited today to go to Wal-mart and get my new morning pages notebook. It is pink and the word “Notebook” is on the front cover…. that is, in case the average person isn’t clear on the fact that YES! It is, in fact, a notebook.

:-)

I also got a couple purple ball point pens and some new pencils, the black Mirado brand pancils… I like them, pre-sharpened, soft #2 lead.

I wrote about my NaNoWriMo lead character, Linda… and I think her influence pops up in this section of my morning pages:

“Maybe I ought to interfere more, stop being so polite. Maybe. I don’t know.”

Is Linda confused?

The other day I told David that whenever I say, “I don’t know” it is a cop out and he needs to call me on it.

I think I will do a free-write just filled with “I don’t knows”... it might be kinda funny and freeing. Let me make a note of that… and I loved on my morning pages I did a little household task to-do list.

1) Make Bed #2) get dishes washed #3) Sweep for cobwebs.

So I came home, turned on the computer and made my bed while the computer did its thing getting opened and all. I actually sighed with happiness looking at my bed.

I have gone for a walk and come back and STILL haven’t washed my dishes OR swept for cobwebs, so I think now I will start the dishes before returning to work on my novel.

This is what I love about Morning pages – they are helpful on so many levels. :-)

Today’s Daily Passion Activator (my ezine) had an almost completely lifted from my morning pages essay today. Sometimes I am reluctant to do that because my morning pages can be so random, so raw….

But I wanted to, so I did.

I also forgot to publish yesterday, as I set off for Orange County in more of a rush than I had hoped for.. unfortunately.

So late last night, when I got home from rehearsal, I sent it out. I have already received a note in praise from a reader… a reader I have never heard from before… so it felt good.

Today’s morning pages included the writing of abundance backwards. “ecnadnuba” is the word… doesn’t that sound cool? Go ahead, say it out loud… it’s fun.

My morning pages yesterday had one line, written in red ink. “On the way to Santa Ana – again. the train so so peaceful… My hai..” and then I stopped for I don’t know what reason. Did I stop to fix my “hai…”r?

It’s all good.

My morning pages notebooks are scrawled collections
of words, dancing, chugging, cavorting down the lined
pages of my notebook. Sometimes I will leave quotes
on the still blank pages as inspiration for those days
when I can’t come up with anything intriguing to
write from my stream of consciousness.

One day I found these words from Naomi Shihab
Nye laced around the top of the page, unfurling
rich text which said,

“Walk around feeling like a leaf. Know you could
tumble at any second. Then decide what to
do with your time.”

So I wrote:

“If I tumbled, fell, went into the soil today,
Would I be satisfied?

Or would there be
Too much destiny left undone – -
Too many unfinished
Bits and pieces and
Clusters of paper left
Outside the trash can
And also outside the
Framed or bound or
Some other gracefully offered
Form of completion…..

My time…. My time…..
Would my children feel right
With what I have offered?

It is divine time…..
And I will continue
Working towards satisfaction so that
When I tumble, fell, go into the soil

My life will have been
A graceful offering.”